With Sprinkles
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Instant death or being granted a wish by a certain demon lord, decisions, decisions, decisions. Xander Harris makes an incautious wish and now has to deal with the consequences. Not exactly the road trip he was planning on taking, but there certainly is a lot of sights to see.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own BtVS, MTG,** **SM, or any other intellectual property referenced in this fic.** **  
**

Xander turned and walked away; he'd prevented the bomb from exploding he didn't need anyone's approval, he had his own.

"How about a little wager?" D'Hoffryn asked, stepping out of the shadows.

Xander froze, stuck between fight or flight having depleted his body's ready supply of adrenaline with everything he'd gone through. "I recognize you," Xander said recalling Cordelia telling the group about her wish, the effect it'd had, and being forced to read a lot of moldy books.

"Indeed," D'Hoffryn said with a toothy grin. "So you know I am more than powerful enough to kill you with a snap of my fingers."

"Yeah, that's about the size of it," Xander agreed, trying to figure out how to escape whatever the demon lord had planned for him.

Unnoticed Cordelia had ran off and gotten the rest of the gang which had rushed out to help.

"I'll make you a deal. You make one wish," D'Hoffryn said, "and I won't snap my fingers at you."

"Monkey's paw variety that I have to figure out how to untangle so you can't screw with it?" Xander guessed.

"Exactly," the Demon Lord agreed.

"Xander, it's a trick," Giles warned, bringing his attention to the battered group.

"I know, but my back's against the wall here," Xander said honestly, mind searching for a way to defuse this wish.

"Xander don't be an idiot!" Buffy yelled, in panic as her slayer senses flared. "Don't make that wish!"

Cordelia smacked Buffy in the back of the head. "You idiot!"

Buffy winced realizing she'd said exactly the wrong thing as Xander's fists had clenched and his nervous smile had faded into a thin line.

"I wish to be a planeswalker," Xander said.

D'Hoffryn stared in surprise and looked shocked as he said, "Wish granted!"

A flare of energy surrounded Xander and seared the ground where he stood, as he screamed in agony, his clothes going up in flames right before he vanished, leaving a three foot circle of boiling stone to mark where he'd stood.

"I wasn't aware I could activate the spark of a planeswalker, much less that he was one," D'Hoffryn said in wonder.

"What did-" Willow began to demand only to have Faith slap her hand over her mouth.

"Lord D'Hoffryn if you would be so kind as to explain what just occurred," Giles requested, knowing the famed Demon Lord would more readily respond to a polite inquiry, especially if it would pain the listeners to hear it.

"Of course Ripper, it'd be a pleasure to explain to a man who understands vengeance as well as yourself," he replied with a toothy grin. "Anyanka, my favorite, granted a wish that lead to her losing her power for a time. Normally I would plan out something horrible for all involved, but on looking at Miss Chase's future I realized I needn't bother, and that Alexander was the cause of events that would prevent my reclaiming Anyanka in the future. Naturally I sought to correct this by offering him a wish or instant death, being the merciful being I am."

"I see," Giles said. "That is remarkably merciful of you, thank you."

"The boy has frustrated so many 'higher beings' I felt he deserved it, however just when he was about to choose a painless death, your Slayer, Miss Summers, convinced him to undergo something extraordinary painful, he wished to be a planeswalker."

"I... wouldn't that have caused widespread destruction?" Giles asked.

"Indeed it would," D'Hoffryn agreed. "However by shielding myself I prevented the destruction of the city, accidentally of course, and... it appears he's drained the Hellmouth of power for his transformation."

"Thank you for your time," Giles said politely giving a slight bow as the Demon vanished.

"Where is he?!" Buffy asked Giles, feeling even more powerless than she had when the council had stripped her of her powers.

"Everywhere, nowhere," Giles replied solemnly as they returned to the library.

"What do you mean?!" Willow demanded.

"Surely you can't believe he was telling the truth!" Wesley exclaimed.

"He's notorious for being honest, especially if it upsets the listeners," Giles said as he slowly started to clean the library obviously bone weary.

"What's a planeswalker?" Willow demanded.

"That's not something that is easy to describe," Wesley said. "I of course am well versed on what is known, but that is unfortunately very little. There are mortals, extremely rare ones-"

"There may be a total of two potential ones on earth out of the entire population," Giles interrupted.

"Who have the potential to become planeswalkers," Wesley continued. "Of the billions with the spark over the whole of creation it's just as rare to have it ignite."

"And Xander's one and he's ignited?" Buffy asked to be sure.

"Yes," Wesley agreed, "it appears that way. Planeswalkers are hunted by quite a few beings, particularly when they are... young, because they grow in power rapidly."

"But what are they?!" Cordelia demanded.

"Powerful beings who can grow to eclipse the gods themselves and step from one reality to another like we enter a room," Giles said. "Their power and motives vary greatly, as no two are alike."

"And Xander?" Faith asked wondering what wasn't being said.

"Is lost in eternity being hunted by other planeswalkers, beings who make gods tremble," Giles said. "If he survives and finds his way back here, it'll most likely be centuries after we're all dead and gone," he finished sadly.

"And considering he drew on the power of the Hellmouth to ignite himself..." Wesley trailed off. "He's probably in a Hell dimension, if not demonic himself."

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"Fuck you, Wesley," Faith said before turning and stomping out.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"The readings say it's this way," a blue haired girl in a blue and white, short skirted outfit said in Japanese as she looked at her laptop, leading a group of five girls with similar outfits and two cats.

"I can feel the darkness like oil in my fur," a black cat with a gold crescent moon on its head said.

"She's right," a similar though white furred cat agreed. "It's the darkest energy I've ever felt. You all must be careful!"

"How about you hit it with a Moon Healing Escalation the moment we spot it?" a tall brown haired girl in a white and green outfit suggested.

"Can I do that?" a blonde girl with a rainbow trimmed white outfit asked.

"If anyone complains I'll hit them with a Akuryo Taisan," a dark haired girl with the same outfit as the others except with red trim promised.

"Three feet in front of us," the blue haired girl announced, just as a groan and some rustling came from the bushes.

"Moon Healing Escalation!" the blonde with the rainbow trim yelled, throwing a wave of light in front of them.

"Ow!" said a blackened figure as it fell over with a thud.

 **Typing by: Stephenopolos**


	2. Chapter 2

The wave of white mana that poured over him soothed his soul and gave him knowledge of a crystal of some kind. It didn't feel very big, but it would take a ridiculous amount of mana to create. Climbing to his feet, he brushed off some of the ash that used to be his clothes before a number of people started yelling in Japanese and he was suddenly hit with a pair of attack spells.

An arrow of flame struck his chest like a pot full of boiling water, raising blisters but doing no serious damage. The lightning bolt that followed stung like he'd stuck a fork in an outlet and caused some involuntary twitches, but also did little actual damage. A wave of fog clouded his vision before he was hit with another wave of light, that healed his wounds once more. "What the fuck?!" Xander exclaimed, his mind and memory still a bit scrambled as he looked around him blindly.

A beam of golden light stabbed into his side, leaving a burn like a hot poker, before he was hit with fire and lightning again and quickly healed by the wave of light once more. He tried to dodge the next attack, but he was fighting blind, nearly naked, and unarmed. The next wave of white mana hit and he soaked it for all it was worth, his mind clearing enough for him to use his new instincts and tap into the land around him.

The power of the city poured through him, granting clarity of mind and speeding his thoughts. He was being attacked by simple elemental attacks, followed by an overpowered heal spell. The next wave of attacks and healing hit, but this time he was aware enough to get a feel for them, not that they hurt any less just that he was sure he could have thrown them as well if he'd had the appropriate mana to use.

"Stop attacking me!" he yelled, only to get a double dose of attacks before the wave of white mana hit him again. Unable to see, lacking a way to defend himself or fight back, he ripped a hole into the blind eternities and jumped in.

The blind eternities was not what he expected it to be. It was... everything, all at once, at full volume. Reality, multiple realities, pounded at his brain. In a panic he got ready to leap anywhere to escape it, when he saw a crack and dove through it.

The office he landed in looked vaguely Asian. He reached out and tapped into the city around him, the flow of multicolor mana helping to clear his head once more as knowledge of the land seeped into his skull.

"That is not a toad," the third Hokage noted, gesturing to ANBU to be wary.

"Sorry to barge in like this," Xander apologized in the local version of Japanese, "but someone opened a hole in front of me."

"Where were you?" Jiraiya asked, curiously.

"The space in-between," Xander replied. "Know of any place I can get some clothes, cheap?" He paused and sighed. "Better make that free, I don't think you use the same currency I do."

"And how did you get there?" Jiraiya asked.

"Natural ability," Xander replied, "but it's overwhelming and I haven't figured out how to reliably go from one place to another yet. I'd really like to get some clothes and maybe a meal or two before trying it again."

"Got any profitable skills?" Jiraiya asked.

"Maybe," Xander said thoughtfully, "not real sure yet."

"I'll spot you some pants and a meal on the off chance we can find something," Jiraiya said. "Let's leave the old man to his paperwork and get a drink."

"Remember to finish up those reports you owe me," Sarutobi said, seeing that the toad sage was going to use a light approach to find out who and what this new being was, which was understandable as he felt quite powerful.

"Will do," Jiraiya said, waving for Xander to follow him.

 **An hour later...**

"So what would be your most valuable skill?" Jiraiya asked, once he'd gotten Xander fitted out with some local clothes and set up with a bowl of ramen.

"Skill I have now that I could apply locally?" Xander asked thoughtfully as he considered it. "I'm not sure if my knowledge of science is valuable or not, since I'm just a student and you guys are at least as advanced as my home in some ways, but with a strange mix in where you apply it, from what I see. My knowledge of magic is just starting out, but is probably our best bet for profitable skills." Xander felt his connections to the city around him and the one he just left. The leaf village was a tri colored land containing red, blue, and green, while the Tokyo he'd been in was white and colorless, but you had to accept both mana at once. Reality seemed a bit thin in that Tokyo with additional mana seeping in from somewhere outside it.

"Healing," Xander decided. "I'd need to be taken to two separate sections of plains so I could use their mana, but after that I'll have the use of one massively overpowered heal spell."

"You draw mana from the land to use your magic?" Jiraiya asked.

"Exactly," Xander agreed before taking a sip of tea. He wished he had a soda, but they didn't have those locally. He made a mental note to stock up on them when he got a chance. "Different lands produce different types of mana with different characteristics."

"And forests aren't useful for healing?" Jiraiya asked.

"Forests are the best for healing, but the only heal spell I know uses mana from the plains. It takes twice as much mana for me to use, but it affects an area rather than a single person."

"Does it require a lot of concentration to heal a group of diverse people with various injuries?" Jiraiya asked, thinking about the mystic palm technique.

"Nah," Xander shook his head, "all the details are handled by magic, you just have to cast the spell and it takes care of the rest."

"We'd have to test it to see how it works, but that does sound valuable," Jiraiya said cheerfully. "How large an area is each... land?"

"Varies really," Xander said thoughtfully. "Plains and swamps are about seven and a half square miles on average, while mountains and islands are counted individually, regardless of size. Forests depend on density, with some producing two to three times as much mana as you'd expect."

"Any defensive spells?" Jiraiya asked between slurps of his ramen.

"Just one. Using a single blue mana I can create a fog that muffles the senses, but it doesn't stop attacks," Xander explained before copying Jiraiya's manners as he noticed most of the customers were slurping their ramen as well.

"Poor defense, but better than nothing," Jiraiya said, signaling for another two bowls since Xander still looked hungry. "You any good on offense?"

"Three very basic elemental attack spells," Xander replied as he considered it.

"Don't knock it kid, most people have to make do with only using two elements, unless they train really hard," Jiraiya said.

"I only learned them because someone shot me with them," Xander said. "Come to think of it, that's how I've learned everything so far."

Jiraiya laughed. "While handy, I'm pretty sure there are better ways to learn things."

"You got that right," Xander said. "Still, it's a fast way to learn, if painful."

"The students in the Academy would probably prefer your method," Jiraiya said, smirking internally as Xander took the bait and started asking about the village. Xander was so open and honest that it almost made him feel guilty to manipulate him, but Jiraiya had done far worse for the sake of his village before and no doubt would again.

 **That evening**

"Report," Sarutobi ordered as he glanced up from his paperwork.

"Not sure the kid is human, probably a demigod of some sort," Jiraiya replied. "He's probably the most honest and open being in the entire village. It's painfully obvious that he's not from around 'here'. His attacks are low jounin and he can't fire very many at present which will change the second he gets a little travel under his belt as everything he does is powered by sage chakra that he draws from the land itself regardless of distance."

"So he's safe enough for the moment," Sarutobi said, lighting his pipe.

"There's more," Jiraiya said. "His strength and durability is easily on par with Maito Gai, though that appears to be a recent thing, as he was as surprised as we were."

"And?" Sarutobi asked, hearing something in his former student's tone.

"While I doubt he'll even be on this world for longer than it takes to get back on his feet, I do believe he'll make this a regular stop in his travels if we make him feel welcome, and I believe that is something we should encourage for a couple of reasons," Jiraiya said, unusually serious for once.

"I'm listening," the old man said.

"He's very protective of the people and places he's fond of and he'll only grow in power, in addition to this is the wealth of knowledge and techniques he has the potential to find and share with us, but most importantly at the moment, I believe the 'massively overpowered healing spell' he mentioned will allow us to return nin who are currently beyond our capability to heal, back to the field," Jiraiya explained.

"That would be an incredible boon to the leaf," Sarutobi agreed.

"To ensure he thinks of the village fondly, I have Anko keeping him company," Jiraiya said smugly.

"I trust you let her know she had the choice to refuse a seduction mission," Sarutobi replied.

It was not a question.

"I assigned her to watch him because she'd already started seducing him," the toad sage replied with a grin. "She showed up when we were demonstrating techniques. They are almost complete opposites with only one thing in common, a disturbing love of explosions. Despite all that, they hit it off immediately and enthusiastically."

"ANBU keeping an eye on things?"

"As always," he assured him. "I'll be taking him out to… acquire some more land in the morning... after he recovers."

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Setsuna wasn't often surprised, so it took her a minute to understand what she was seeing; where she'd expected to see the usual ebb and flow of the timeline, she was seeing the colorful scrawl of an infinite future. Crystal Tokyo was no longer guaranteed, but then neither was the death of seven billion people that lead to it. She much preferred fighting for a brighter future rather than a guttering candle anyway.

Unaware of the determined look on her face or the rare smile that touched her lips, she locked the gates and prepared to teleport home to call a meeting of the scouts. They were going to have to work much harder than they had been, but a future of infinite possibilities now awaited them.

 **Several hours later...**

"Why is she smiling like that?" Minako whispered to Makoto. "It's creepy!"

"Maybe she's drunk?" Makoto whispered back.

"What could be bad that Setsuna would start drinking?!" Usagi moaned.

"I'm not drunk, nor have I been drinking," Setsuna said, revealing she could hear their whispers. "I'm smiling because I have good news."

"Tell us what it is already," Haruka said. "You've teased us enough, we're all here, so spit it out."

Michiru gave Haruka a look, but she just shrugged in response.

"Alright," Setsuna agreed with a smile. "The great freeze is no longer guaranteed to happen, meaning we are no longer destined to watch six billion people die of cold or starvation."

"That is good news!" Usagi exclaimed.

"What about Crystal Tokyo?" Haruka asked.

"Not possible or desirable," Setsuna said flatly. "Crystal Tokyo required the death of the majority of the human race. My advice is to restart the Moon Kingdom."

"What's the difference?" Ami asked.

"Crystal Tokyo was an Earth based kingdom where we used magic to keep our little section of the world warm and fertile. The Moon Kingdom on the other hand would require us to use our magics to return life to the other planets in our solar systems and draw in settlers to populate them once more. Much like the Moon Kingdom of old, I expect Earth is not going to desire an empress," Setsuna explained.

"Lots of hard work but a brighter future," Usagi said, much to everyone but Setsuna's surprise.

"Exactly," Setsuna said, smiling even more as she saw the matching smile appearing on Usagi's face.

"What changed?" Michiru asked, causing everyone to turn towards Setsuna. "Something had to have happened to make all this possible. What was it?"

"I have no idea," Setsuna replied. "The gates show infinite possibilities, so it's impossible for me to tell, but whatever happened, happened recently."

"How recently?" Minako asked nervously as she recalled what had happened the night before.

"The last twenty-four hours," Setsuna promptly replied. "What do you know?"

"That Dark General that ran away last night," Usagi said. "Ami, did you record it?"

"You guys faced a Dark General and didn't think to mention it?" Haruka demanded.

"All he did was stand there, cuss, and run away," Makoto said. "Not exactly a lot to say."

"We were going to bring it up at today's meeting," Ami assured them as she brought up the recording on the Mercury computer and hit play.

Setsuna paled as the video played, pulling a bottle of whiskey out of nowhere and taking a slug as the video ended.

"OK, that's bad," Minako noted, just in case no one else understood.

"How big a threat is he?" Haruka demanded. Haruka had to wrestle the bottle away from Setsuna to get her to stop drinking and give them an answer.

"All the power the Senshi have is based on what he is," the time guardian explained.

"He's a Senshi?" Rei asked doubtfully.

"Senshi tap into the land of their home planets for power," Setsuna explained. "A single unit of power to transform and one to three to power their attacks. Connecting the Senshi took centuries of research and a decade for each unit of power or mana they could access at once."

"So we access four mana at max?" Hotaru asked.

"You can access five," Setsuna said. "One mana unit for your transformation and four for your ultimate attack, the rest of us only use four total."

"And this guy?" Haruka asked.

"He's a planeswalker, though a new one from the readings," Setsuna explained. "He's tapped into somewhere between two to four mana units from these readings."

"So we have to take him before he gains any more," Makoto said with a firm nod. "With a decade between mana units, we have time."

Setsuna sighed. "It took a decade per mana unit to connect the Senshi based on what they understood and observed a planeswalker doing."

"And how long does it take a planeswalker to tap into an additional mana unit?" Ami asked.

"About three seconds," Setsuna replied.

"Stop that!" Michiru said, snatching the bottle away from Haruka.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	3. Chapter 3

"Here," Xander said, causing Anko to stop and set him down.

"Here?" Anko asked curiously. "I thought we had to travel a lot farther, I mean, this is scrubland."

"Which counts as white and red," Xander explained as he felt the nature of the ground around him and found something interesting. "Do you guys have a hidden base out here?"

"If there is one, it isn't ours," Anko said, signaling for their hidden escort to be on alert.

"It's old and empty," Xander said. "I'm not sensing any traps either." He approached a sandy hill and slowly circled it. "It's in there."

Anko flashed through a number of hand seals and dove into the ground like it was water.

"That still looks cool as hell," Xander said.

A stone door opened out from the hillside, pushing aside nearly a foot of sand and dirt, revealing Anko with a grin on her face. "Come on in," Anko told him. "I think you'll get a kick out of this."

"What is it?" Xander asked as he entered the stone doorway, noting the glowing seals on the ceiling providing light.

"You tell me," Anko replied, gesturing to the end of the hall where it opened up into a circular room with another exit.

Xander examined the room noting the large circular bed and peeking his head out the other exit and finding a perpetually running shower and toilet. "It's… a love nest!" he said in surprise.

"Probably started out as a campsite," Anko said with a grin, "but after stopping here while on patrol so many times, someone built an underground room for safety and comfort and it kinda evolved from there. This place hasn't been used in decades, but the last couple who used it shed enough chakra that everything is still powered."

"Shed?" Xander asked curiously.

"There are a number of activities that help increase your chakra flow, which also tend to release excess chakra into your surroundings," Anko explained. "Would you like me to show you one?"

"Sure," Xander replied.

Anko gestured and the stone door closed. "I was hoping you'd say that." Her clothes quickly dropped to the floor and she pushed Xander onto the bed.

"Oh," Xander said as he realized what she meant.

 **Half an hour later…**

"And now the place is saturated with our chakra," Anko said smugly.

Xander chuckled. "Glad this place has its own shower."

"Considering who I suspect used this place, I'm surprised it doesn't have a hot tub," Anko said running a finger down Xander's chest.

"I'd ask who it was, but the answers would be meaningless to me," Xander said. "Wanna shower with me?"

"Love to," Anko said, "but we really should spend at least some of our time doing what we're supposed to."

"If they complain, tell them it helps me adjust to the new mana flow," Xander suggested.

"Doubt they'll buy it," Anko said, allowing him to lead her to the shower.

"It's actually true," Xander told her. "I need a little time to get used to each new connection and this seems to speed that up."

"In that case I best get back to work," Anko said with a smirk.

"Nose to the grindstone, that's us!" Xander agreed.

 **Six hours later…**

"Report," Sarutobi ordered, taking a puff from his pipe.

"Xander needed a little time at each stop to adjust to the new mana connection," Anko replied, "but a little physical activity helped speed up the process, so we managed to add five more mana to his pool. He said he can cast the healing spell twice today without a problem."

"When he's finished with lunch, Jiraiya has a handful of volunteers at the hospital," Sarutobi told Anko. "Depending on the results of the first test, we'll gather a group for a second casting."

"Yes, Sir," Anko said cheerfully.

"How would you evaluate him?" Sarutobi asked curiously.

"Powerful, kind, and probably too good to be true," Anko admitted with a sigh. "I mean, how many people do you run into that are exactly what they seem with no hidden agendas or dark secrets?"

"And yet you still chose to start a relationship with him," Sarutobi noted, leaning back in his chair.

"Relationship is a strong word," Anko replied with a wince. "I prefer to think of it as spending time with someone until they reveal they're an asshole. It's just human nature."

Sarutobi nodded. "Humans can be disappointing at times," he agreed, amusement in his eyes. "Dismissed."

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Kurenai saw the stranger Anko had been showing around the village and decided to introduce herself. It was rare to find Anko interested enough in someone to be seen in public with them, so it was probably a good idea to make sure he wasn't a creep.

 **Two minutes later…**

Anko smiled as she saw Xander sitting at the counter talking to a friend of hers but the smile faded as she saw her friend becoming upset and a memory of something she'd done last night arose…

"Hell viewing technique!" Kurenai called out, hands flashing through signs as she cast her genjutsu.

"Kurenai, No!" Anko yelled, as she shunshined into the ramen stand.

"Kurenai, Yes!" Kurenai shot back. "You have no idea what he just suggested!"

"Interesting," Xander said completely unruffled, "but that's not remotely what hell looks like."

"Kai!" Anko called out, breaking the genjutsu. "She wasn't with us last night, that was me using a henge on a clone."

"I know that," Xander replied.

"Then why did you hit on me?!" Kurenai demanded.

"I thought Anko cast it right this time," Xander said.

"I cast it right last night," Anko said with an offended huff. "Henge!" Anko turned into a duplicate of Kurenai.

"I can still see it's you," Xander said. "A transparent layer of color doesn't fool anyone."

"Henge," Kurenai said, turning into a duplicate of Anko.

"I can see through both of them," Xander said.

"Oh," said Kurenai, dropping her henge, with Anko doing the same. "So you hit on me thinking I was her," Kurenai said awkwardly.

Xander shrugged. "I figured if Anko wanted to do a little roleplay, I'm up for it."

"And on that note, the Hokage says everything is ready for you at the hospital," Anko said, embarrassed that Xander hadn't even noticed some of the things she'd used to spice things up the night before.

 **At the hospital**

Jiraiya rechecked his monitoring seals. Even if he couldn't detect everything Xander did when casting a spell, he could detect everything the spell did to a person.

There were thirty people in the room, encompassing a full range of people of different ages, both sexes, and multiple causes of injuries. Despite Jiraiya's belief that Xander was being honest about his technique and its effects, none of the patients were valuable personnel. If it worked on this group, then Sarutobi would allow Jiraiya to bring in medically retired Jounin and Special Jounin.

"Just in here," the nurse said, leading Xander and Anko into the room.

"Jiraiya!" Xander called out cheerfully, as he took in the wide variety of patients.

"Hey, kid," the Toad Sage replied. "I got a room full of patients for you."

Xander nodded. "I also see the monitoring seals, which is good because it'll help me find the limits of the spell and maybe suggest some improvements I can make."

"Let me get out of the way, and you can fire away," Jiraiya said excitedly.

Xander took a deep breath and raised his right hand above his head, white light beginning to gather in his palm, causing it to glow like the sun. He swung his glowing hand in a large circle, leaning down to almost touch the ground, his right leg coming up to counter balance his sharp movement, all while calling out, "Moon healing Escalation!"

A wall of healing magic filled the room in front of him, blinding everyone.

"Holy fuck, that's powerful!" Anko exclaimed. "Also girly as hell."

"You should see the girl who cast it," Xander said, shaking his head. "As a matter of fact…Henge!" With a burst of smoke, Xander turned into an exact duplicate of Sailor Moon.

Anko lost it, falling down laughing while Jiraiya just snorted and went to check his seals. "I didn't know you'd mastered henge," Anko said as she wiped tears of laughter from her eyes.

"Simple spells… or jutsu, I can get," Xander replied, feeling the hair on her head, "though I probably don't do them exactly the same way you guys do them."

Anko reached out and felt Xander's chest. "Yeah, this is a bit more solid than how we do it."

Xander dropped the henge. "I've got the ones you teach pre-teens and some basic elemental attacks down, but I'll have to really study the more complicated jutsu before I can use them."

The patients were examining themselves and each other with broad smiles, everyone glowing with health and even limbs that had been missing were back.

Jiraiya returned with a stack of tags. "This looks great, but there seems to be a mental component as well."

"White mana is also known as Soldier's Mana," Xander explained, "it enhances the qualities you'd expect to see in a soldier. Have one of your mindwalkers take a look and they should be able to confirm it."

"And healing is usually done with green mana," Jiraiya said thoughtfully. "What effect does green have on the mind?"

"It is also known as Nature's Mana," Xander explained, "it enhances natural instincts, so unless you're in the middle of battle it mainly enhances the libido."

"Now that sounds useful," Jiraiya said, looking interested.

"People aren't just interested in sex, they also want kids," Xander said, "so you could have a couple who planned on waiting, changing their mind until it wore off."

"How long does the effect last?" Jiraiya asked, thinking of several possible uses for that side effect as well.

"Depends on the person," Xander said thoughtfully, as he considered his own instinctive knowledge of the subject outside of the confines of the game. "If they really didn't want kids, they would be back to normal in a day or two, but if they found the idea attractive, it could last weeks."

"If we take you out to a forest to connect you to a little green mana, you aren't going to suddenly go kid crazy are you?" Anko asked carefully.

Xander laughed. "While I'm not immune, I can throw off the effect at will."

"Good," Anko said, looking relieved.

"How long would it take you to revise the spell to use green mana?" Jiraiya asked.

"No clue," Xander admitted. "I'm pretty sure I need a lot more experience with healing magics before I can even try."

"Something for the future then," Jiraiya said cheerfully, as he examined various readings with a great deal of satisfaction. "I should have all the tests done by tomorrow, then we can start turning a profit! In the meantime, go out and have some fun."

Xander caught the small bag of money that Jiraiya tossed to him. "I'll be sure to do that."

"Wanna pick up some green mana?" Anko asked.

"I could use some," Xander agreed.

"Good, I'll show you one of my favorite training grounds," Anko said, "and can you use green mana to deliberately set off the baby craze?"

"I think so," Xander agreed. "Why?"

"A couple of pranks and payback for Kurenai," Anko said with a smirk.

"This has bad idea written all over it," Xander said with a melodramatic groan.

"Yes, but in between that it reads 'good time'!" Anko promised, pressing herself against him.

"Can't argue with that," Xander agreed as he let Anko lead him off.

Jiraiya chuckled and signaled for one of the hidden ANBU to stay behind. "You were caught by his jutsu, you gotta be checked as well."

Taking off his mask, Hayate nodded. Taking a deep breath and not feeling the slightest urge to cough, he said unrepentantly, "I've seen enough of the kid to think it worth the risk."

"I figured you might," Jiraiya said with a smirk, taking Hayate's ANBU mask and removing a hidden monitoring seal.

 **Typed by – Sitheus Maximus / Ipsith**


	4. Chapter 4

Xander was kissing his way across Anko's shoulder when his lips encountered something foul. Instinctively he sucked at it, drawing out some sort of parasite that wriggled in his mouth. He crushed it between his teeth, turning and nearly retching a second later as his mouth filled with filth and he spat it on the tile roof.

"What the hell was that?!" Anko demanded, a hand covering her curse seal.

"I'm not sure," Xander said after spitting half a dozen more times, "but it tasted like poison and... a trace of a soul."

Anko looked down at where Xander had spit out whatever he'd sucked out of her curse seal. A mangled white serpent the size of her pinky, covered in black goo was slowly dissolving as the tile around it melted. She rotated her shoulder a little as she rubbed at her seal and tried to get a feel for it. "The pain's gone," she noted. "Just feels kinda... empty."

"Did I screw something up?" Xander asked timidly, afraid he'd hurt her.

"More like the opposite," Anko said, smiling as the ever-present ache from the seal couldn't be felt any longer. "Can you check to make sure you got it all?"

"Not sure what I did, but sure," Xander said in relief as she uncovered the seal and leaned forward.

Xander eyed the seal, but it looked like nothing more than a funky tattoo at the moment. He cautiously ran his tongue across it, making Anko purr and grind down against him. Forgetting about the tattoo as they returned to what they were doing, he brought his mouth down on it once more, letting his instincts guide his actions.

Anko's scream echoed for miles.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Report!" Sarutobi snapped out before doing a double take as he looked at Jiraiya.

The Toad Sage's outfit was barely more than wisps of decayed and tattered fabric, his headband more rust than metal. His body however was in perfect shape, all signs of age or injury wiped clean.

"The tower where we hold the Chuunin exam is a faded memory and the Forest of Death has expanded its boundaries," Jiraiya reported with a pleased grin.

A dog masked ANBU appeared in front of the Hokage. "Initial reports are of a positive nature, plants blooming, minor healing effects, amorous couples."

Sarutobi turned to Jiraiya for answers.

"Xander discovered the Curse Seal in his explorations of Anko. He removed all traces of my traitorous teammate from it and... most likely decided to remove it with brute force. All the effects we're seeing is simply spillover from his use of Green, or Nature Chakra," Jiraiya explained.

"And you?" Sarutobi asked curiously.

"I was taking notes close by," the prolific porn artist said with a grin. "Man made objects decayed and fell apart while I, for instance, was rejuvenated. I feel like I'm in my prime again!"

"You didn't look that good in your prime," Sarutobi disagreed.

"This is how good I would have been in my prime had I taken my physical conditioning as serious as Gai does," Jiraiya explained. "Xander said Green Mana was best for healing and from the results I think we can see why."

Sarutobi nodded. "Any new data on the healing he did with White Mana?"

"Inoichi reported several effects in addition to healing them to the fittest they have ever been, rather than what they could have been," Jiraiya replied, pointing out the difference between healing with White Mana rather than Green. "Existing loyalties are reinforced, they've shown a greater inclination to follow the rules and co-operate with others, greater determination and pride in their accomplishments as well as group accomplishments. The only downside seems to be a decrease in creativity, but that is mirrored by an increase in cognitive skills requiring logic."

"That seems a fair trade off," Sarutobi agreed. "Are the mental effects permanent?"

"Too early to tell," Jiraiya replied. "My gut says no, but it'll be months before I've got the data to back it up."

"Have you noted a change in your own thought processes?" Sarutobi asked Jiraiya.

"Easily," he replied. "My libido is through the roof and I have an excess of physical energy. Even though I know better, part of me is saying that if you can't fight it or fuck it, it's probably not important."

"All of which is in line with what Xander's shared in regards to the effects of various colors of Mana and their nature," Sarutobi said, before lighting his pipe.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Oops!" Xander said from underneath Anko as they laid in the wreckage of the tower.

"Oops me like that again and I may have to marry you," Anko replied, slumped on top of him. "What was that?!"

"Your seal was like a half finished unholy strength with the missing bits filled in with regeneration," Xander explained. "Well, once I removed the bastardized control bits anyway."

"And?" she prodded.

"And I think this entire forest here is one big wild growth seal which I may have accidentally activated," he admitted. "Why is it all this stuff only makes sense after I've been hit with it?"

"No idea," Anko replied, "but if I were you I'd just be glad it all makes sense now and you don't have to study it forever to figure it all out."

"I am very glad of that," Xander agreed, "I just like complaining afterwards about being blindsided."

"Are you smaller?" Anko asked.

"You're bigger," Xander replied. "Not a lot, but maybe half a foot."

"More like half a cup," she replied. "Thanks for whatever you did to the seal. What's unholy strength anyway?"

"Taps black mana to increase strength and toughness," Xander replied. "It's tied to your regeneration, so it's temporary. Tap the seal and you instantly regenerate, but the Unholy Strength boost only lasts... I'm actually not sure how long, more than an hour, less than half a day. Anyway, you can only tap it once a day."

"No negative effects?" Anko asked intently.

"Just the normal mental effects from using Black and Green," Xander replied. "Black wants to dominate or destroy, Green wants to fight or fuck, so depending on the situation... it'll take time to learn to control it properly and not let it influence you, but it all depends on will power and if you were ignoring the seal with that filth in it, I don't think that's going to be a problem for you."

"As long as it doesn't make me baby crazy, I think I can handle it," Anko said with a smirk.

"Think they'll make me pay for a new tower?" Xander asked, trying to sound casual and failing.

"That is a good question," Anko admitted. "I don't suppose you have some magic to instantly regenerate buildings?" she joked.

"Hmm," Xander murmured as he racked his brain, feeling out all his mana taps, and trying to figure out a way to do something that didn't involve getting hit with spells first.

"You're joking," Anko said, taking his thoughtful look for him knowing a way.

"Maybe," Xander said as he felt his connection to magic girl Tokyo and the Leaf Village. His connection to MGT provided colorless mana which was the mana that fueled most artificers works and the building that was destroyed was a soldier's fortification, so the combination of white and colorless should be exactly what was needed.

"I have the power," Xander said as he climbed to his feet and set Anko down, "I just have to figure out how to apply it."

"Buildings generally don't heal like people do," Anko pointed out.

"I could shape it using the memory of itself left in the local mana," Xander decided. "I'll use the colorless mana for rebuilding, which means I'll have to include the white from tapping it, but it's soldier mana and this was a training area, so that should be fine."

"I understood none of that," Anko said, "but will it help us get our clothes back?"

"Maybe," Xander said firmly as he took a deep breath and called on his connection to his lands.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Again?" Sarutobi asked, shaking his head.

"I'll go take care of it," Jiraiya promised, vanishing in a swirl of leaves.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"This doesn't look like the tower," Anko said, before examining the green dress she was wearing.

"Turns out that trying to use my abilities in the middle of a wild growth seal... sets off the seal," Xander explained as he leaned on the rampart of the emerald castle. "Also, that colorless mana already had a memory attached to it. I think I'll need to create something to make colorless mana if I want to use it to create things."

"Too bad it didn't create some weapons," Anko said, tearing off the bottom of her dress and ripping the seams from the sides.

"Why?" Xander asked distractedly.

"Because we've got at least half a dozen people heading our way and they feel hostile," Anko replied.

Xander drew his emerald longsword and offered it to Anko. "I think you'll do better with this than I will."

Anko immediately tested the edge and gave it a few practice swings. "It'll probably shatter, but every little bit helps."

"If you get injured or need the power, remember you can tap your seal," Xander pointed out.

"Hopefully I won't need it," Anko said, before turning and deflecting a brace of kunai.

Five ninja came over the ramparts dressed like ANBU and were quickly engaged by Anko, who was a blur as she did her best to keep them away from Xander.

"Lightning Capture technique!" cried out the nin who had used his comrades attack as a distraction to sneak around behind the pair to get at Xander.

A lightning covered palm crackled as it slammed into Xander's armored green breastplate.

Xander grabbed the hand and flung its owner off the rampart. "Let one of them through at a time," Xander suggested. "I can handle one."

"Hope you're right," Anko grunted out as she allowed one to slip past. She was good, but five on one odds with skilled opponents while protecting a target was almost beyond her capabilities, especially while adapting to recent physical changes.

"Hell Viewing technique!" the white masked figure called out, reaching into her pouch for some wire to restrain the target while he was under her genjutsu.

Xander waited until she stepped close before slamming a fist into her chest and sending her flying off the castle as well. "Next!" he called out.

The remaining four enemy nin tried out a desperation move, sacrificing one of their own on Anko's sword to allow another a free strike. With her blade lodged inside the chest of one of them she was unable to block a quick stab by one of the others. Anko twisted to allow the blade to pierce her lung rather than her heart, only to have the blade shatter, cutting her dress, but not even scratching her skin.

As Anko flicked the dying nin off the ramparts, Xander laughed. "I can't believe I forgot the protective properties of the castle."

"Protective properties?" Anko asked, keeping her eyes on the three remaining nin.

"Yeah," Xander agreed. "As long as we're in the castle we can ignore a certain amount of damage from each attack. Anything less than upper Jonin won't even cause the slightest damage."

"You don't say," Anko said with an evil grin.

The three nin vanished, throwing out waves of fire to cover their escape.

Anko chuckled as they stood there, unharmed. "So does the damage show up when we leave or is it just negated?"

"Completely negated," Xander assured her. "It's just damage though, mind effecting spells work as usual."

"Who threw a dead nin at me?" Jiraiya demanded as he appeared on the ramparts.

"If it had a stab wound it was me," Anko replied before returning the sword to Xander. "Didn't even chip."

"Probably magical," Xander guessed as he sheathed it.

"Back to the dead nin," the Toad Sage suggested.

"We were attacked by half a dozen nin disguised as ANBU," Anko reported. "Thankfully, Xander created this castle and it provided some form of protection that allowed us to overcome them. We killed three of them and the remaining three fled just before you arrived."

"Technically I didn't kill them, the ground did," Xander pointed out, "it's not my fault they never bothered to learn to fly."

"that is a very unique way of looking at it," Jiraiya decided.

"So what happened to your clothes anyway?" Xander asked.

"Jutsu accident," Jiraiya replied.

"Fine, but I'm not paying for them," Xander said.

"Yeah, it was your own fault for getting too close while we were going at it," Anko agreed.

"What? How did you know?!" Jiraiya demanded.

"He can see through genjutsu and I can sense body heat," Anko replied, unconcerned.

"Most people complain when I do research," Jiraiya explained.

"I kinda like the idea of being one of the stars in a series of novels," Xander admitted. "Besides, it'd take a lot more than that to put me off my game with Anko in my lap."

"You sweet talker!" Anko said with a broad smile.

"Thankfully I can redo my notes from memory!" Jiraiya said cheerfully. "But back to the matter at hand. Please stop sending out waves of Green Mana. Sure the healing is nice, as is the help with the crops, but we're going to have a big enough baby boom in nine months without you adding even more to it and finally, what's with the castle?"

"Sorry about that," Xander apologized, "It was completely accidental. So was the castle, really. I was trying to rebuild the tower here... but it didn't quite work out that way."

"I doubt anyone will complain," Jiraiya said, shaking his head at the massive emerald fortress.

"Any ideas about the enemy nin?" Anko asked.

"Shouldn't take long to get to the ROOT of the problem," Jiraiya replied. "Someone's really over reached himself this time, probably because having Xander as a healer is too big a temptation. After all, even Princess herself can't regrow limbs or turn back the clock."

"So my healing spell is a success?" Xander asked.

"That's putting it mildly," Jiraiya said with a laugh.

"Looks like you'll need a bodyguard," Anko said with a purr. "Know of anyone who might be interested in keeping a close eye on your body?"

"I can think of one person," Xander agreed with a grin.

"Can you guys hold that thought while I get a pad and some paper?" Jiraiya begged.

"And some new clothes," Xander requested.

"Be right back," the Toad Sage promised, vanishing in a swirl of leaves.

"I'd learn how to do that, but I'm sure someone would make me sweep up all the leaves," Xander said.

"Those are illusions," Anko assured him. "Well, unless you're screwing with someone, then you drop actual leaves."

"Remind me to learn that then," Xander agreed.

"So... how much about the protective properties of the castle was bull?" Anko asked.

Xander shrugged. "It provides some extra protection, but I'm not sure how much. It was a great bluff though."

Anko grinned. "That it was. Wanna go find if you made beds in this place or do you need to talk about killing those nin?" She knew civilians often had problems dealing with life or death situations.

"If I'd killed an innocent person, I'd need some recovery time," Xander replied honestly, "but there are two things to keep in mind."

"And those are?" Anko asked.

"Faceless mooks trying to kill me don't register as people and the wild growth I set off has completely flooded my system with Green Mana," Xander replied. "With the amount of Mana I have in me, I can't even fake a sulk with a straight face."

"Works for me," Anko said cheerfully. "Let's go find some beds."

"Or tables, hot tubs, thrones-" Xander listed off.

"Thrones?" Anko interrupted him.

"It's a castle, should be a throne somewhere," he replied reasonably.

"Jiraiya is going to be pissed he missed this," she said with a smirk.

"Nah, he's already back and doing his see-through thing," Xander assured her.

"Can't sense him this time," she said with a shrug. "He better get my good side."

"That implies you have a bad one," Xander said, leading her inside, "and I can tell you that's a lie."

"You smooth talker," Anko said, throwing him over her shoulder and rushing down the stairs.

"Pure gold!" Jiraiya exclaimed, quickly hurrying after them.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	5. Chapter 5

As the emerald castle soaked up the rays of the rising sun, a flood of mana poured into Xander, waking him in an instant.

"Better than coffee," he said as he sat up, green silk sheets sliding off him.

Anko stirred briefly, flung a senbon at Jiraiya and fell back asleep. Jiraiya caught the poisoned throwing needle with his left hand, not even looking up as he continued painting, and dropped it in a jar that already contained several dozen.

Xander slid out of bed, trying not to wake Anko, and circled around to the other side of the canvas. "Wow," he said as he saw what the Toad Sage had painted.

Jiraiya smirked at his response but kept silent as he finished up the oil painting of Xander and Anko curled up in bed together. As he rinsed off his brush, the water in the clay pot sloshed about and Jiraiya had to catch another three needles. "Any idea where she's getting the green crystal senbon from?" Jiraiya asked once they were safely in the hall.

Xander nodded. "The castle is pure magic, as the Lady of the castle it's adapting to serve her better. Over time the ability should grow to cover more but for now it's limited to clothing and small items."

"Handy," Jiraiya said with a bright smile. "We were thinking of using the castle as a diplomatic post if you didn't mind."

"Mind? It's your castle. I just made it to replace the building I destroyed," Xander replied, still a bit worried he'd have to pay for replacing the tower.

"There is more than enough room for us to use the castle for the same purpose and still leave the majority of it for your use," Jiraiya assured him. "Consider it a second home, it certainly beats staying at a hotel when you visit."

"It is nice," Xander admitted.

"Plus Anko loves the view," Jiraiya added. "I believe she spent more time out here than at her apartment."

"What are taxes like?" Xander asked, hoping they weren't too much, as he didn't exactly have a stable income at the moment, even if having a place he could rest at, in-between searching for home could come in handy.

"Diplomatic posts aren't taxed," Jiraiya said, shooting Xander a smirk.

Xander grinned.

"So what do you have planned for today, since it'll take a couple of days to finish collecting the data from the Moon Healing Escalation?" the Toad Sage asked.

"Since I'm thinking both of you need to adjust to recent physical changes, I figured a little training would be in order," Xander replied. "One of you could go over the basics with me, and when you get to the more advanced stuff, I could study anything you've got on seals while you worked out the kinks."

"That's a good idea," Jiraiya said cheerfully. "We'll have to grab Gai again, but he's in-between missions. How much do you know about seals?"

"They exist," Xander replied.

Jiraiya waited, but that was all Xander said. "Seriously?" he questioned.

"Everything I've done is pretty much instinctive," Xander replied. "I have zero real knowledge about the subject, but every seal I run across I have… an instinctive grasp of. I can tell what it is, modify it a bit, and magically recreate it, but I can't make completely different seals. I need the basics, otherwise I'm just tracing someone else's work, even if I do make the breasts bigger."

Jiraiya laughed.

 ***0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0***

Boulders exploded and trees shattered as the three nin fought, moving so fast that they looked like still images to Xander, only visible when they completed a move before vanishing in a blur a moment later.

Xander meanwhile was trying to draw a simple storage seal. So far he had managed one serviceable seal, twenty failures, and eighty-four explosions.

 ***BOOM***

…Make that eighty-five explosions.

Xander wiped soot off his face. "At least the knowledge part is easy."

 _ **Three hours later…**_

Jiraiya took in the sight of his naked pupil, covered in ink and soot, sitting in a concave depression in the ground two meters deep. "How did you manage this?!"

"I think I managed to seal a perfect sphere of … everything," Xander replied.

"How can you be so good at theory and suck so bad in practice?" Jiraiya asked, honestly confused.

"I know what to draw, my hands just won't co-operate," Xander complained.

"Calligraphy?" Anko suggested.

"While helpful, sealing uses a lot more symbols than that teaches. When sealing is described as more art than science, they are being literal," Jiraiya explained. "Take the symbol for the sun for instance, a simple circle. But, depending on what it's used for, the way it's drawn changes. If I use it in a light sensitive trigger, the sun symbol has to be drawn with a series of even numbered lines radiating from it first, while using it in a tag to generate light requires drawing the sun's aura first, and every seal master draws it differently."

"I basically need a shit ton of drawing practice," Xander summed up.

"And some art lessons," Jiraiya agreed.

"Never give up, it is the only way one can move forward!" Gai enthused, posing with an upraised fist.

"I also need some blue mana," Xander said thoughtfully, "and red… and black. I'd also appreciate a look at any artifacts you may have lying around… and I also need more tutoring in basic jutsu, hand to hand and probably a dozen other things."

"Artifacts?" Gai asked curiously.

"Legendary items, like… ancient weapons that seem almost magical or tools from the gods," Xander explained. "Making artifacts is one of my main talents, but I have to see a number of them first. Regular tools are serviceable, but the more powerful an item the better."

"Does having a story behind them help or would a handmade new item of master quality work?" Jiraiya asked curiously.

"I'm not sure," Xander admitted. "I guess the only way to find out is to find a legendary item and have a duplicate made and then see how my copies come out."

"Do they have to be in one piece?" Anko asked. "Kakashi still has white fang, but the idiot broke it."

"That's a good question," Xander admitted. "Bring me the pieces and we'll see."

"Anko, you go get Kakashi, I'll grab a well-used and new chakra blade to compare," Jiraiya said. "Gai… get him something to wear and work on his taijutsu."

 _ **Half an hour later…**_

Jiraiya returned to find Anko and Kakashi watching Gai train Xander in basic academy taijutsu.

"From the rumors, I expected more," Kakashi noted.

"He's a lover not a fighter," Anko replied with a smirk, her eyes running up and down Xander's green spandex clad body.

"Ready for a break?" Jiraiya called out.

"But we've not even warmed up properly," Gai said, actually managing a passable puppy-dog look.

Kakashi winced and looked away. "You can continue training while we do this."

"Excellent!" Gai said cheerfully, before jumping onto his hands and doing pushups. "We can continue with your training when you're ready."

"Sounds good," Xander agreed, wiping sweat off his face as he joined the three nin. "What did you bring me?"

Introductions were quickly made before they got down to business.

"Legendary weapons are hard to find and the few that the Leaf owned have been stolen by traitors," Jiraiya explained. "Now Kakashi has brought 'White Fang', a chakra blade of some renown. While I'm not sure if it meets your requirements, it was already at Named status and well on its way to Legendary before it was broken. In addition, I have two chakra blades with no mythos attached to them, one old and well used, the other brand new and unused."

"Let's start with the Fang," Xander suggested eagerly.

Kakashi unfurled a sealing scroll and activated it. The broken sword appeared in a burst of smoke.

Xander whistled. "That is an impressive blade, I don't even have to touch it to tell you that." He ran his fingers along the flat of the broken blade getting a feel for it. He took a deep breath and tapped into Magic Girl Tokyo, feeling the rush of colorless and white mana flowing through him.

Kakashi's eyes widened as the pieces of the blade melted together, but the shock he felt on seeing his father's legacy restored was nothing compared to seeing a matching blade appear in Xander's right hand a moment later.

"Two white mana to repair, three to copy and color doesn't matter," Xander explained. "And in case you were wondering, yes, it most definitely counts as a legendary weapon," Xander said as he handed over the second blade to Kakashi.

"You can just copy…" Kakashi's voice trailed off in wonder as he raised the copy of the Fang and fed it his chakra, bathing the group in its ivory light.

"Apparently," Xander agreed.

"Try these now," Jiraiya said, gesturing to the pair of chakra blades he'd procured for this experiment.

Xander placed a hand on each blade and concentrated for a moment. Lifting his hands, a chakra blade suddenly appeared in each one. "One mana apiece, nothing really special about them."

"What's special about the White Fang?" Jiraiya asked, eager to find out what Xander's abilities could tell him about a weapon he'd handled.

"It requires near perfect chakra control to activate," Xander replied, "but while active it's a lot sharper and tougher, the light of the blade weakens illusions and on top of that it's a bane to the undead."

"Bane?" Kakashi questioned.

"It means that while it's a dangerous weapon for everything, to anything undead it is extremely deadly. Any illusions cast by an undead source are instantly dispelled and even the slightest scratch on a revenant will fester and decay, refusing to heal," Xander explained.

"I don't often run into the undead," Kakashi noted cheerfully, entirely happy about that fact.

"Well, if you do, you can't ask for a better weapon than that to have by your side," Xander assured him.

"Is it a legendary weapon because of its history or its capabilities?" Jiraiya wondered out loud.

"Probably a combination," Xander replied. "A powerful weapon will eventually carve its own story into history and a weapon that is present and pivotal for a number of significant events gains power from general belief."

"Considering the number of one-of-a-kind blades created by accident due to insanely specific circumstances during forging that cannot be recreated, that play a significant role in events, I'm leaning towards events shaping their creation," Jiraiya said.

"Magic can play havoc with cause and effect," Xander agreed.

"We should hunt down some legendary weapons and make copies!" Anko said eagerly.

"That would be very profitable and allow Xander to pick up more and varied mana," Jiraiya agreed.

"Not just weapons," Xander reminded them. "Tools and even buildings can be classified as artifacts."

"Like the village," Kakashi agreed.

The hair on Xander's arms began to stand on end and the air felt heavy, as his senses itched as they tried to reach and understand _something_ , but lacking the final piece to truly _understand_. "Pardon?" Xander asked.

"The First Hokage created the village in a single day," Kakashi explained.

Like a switch being flipped, Xander's senses stretched out as his connection to the land burned in his mind, as the final piece of the puzzle fell into place and he could see it all, how the city was created, why the Forest of Death was a giant wild growth seal. _**It all made sense now!**_

"Are you okay?" Anko asked, helping a suddenly woozy Xander to stand.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Xander said, taking a couple of deep breaths. "I just… _realized_ , _understood_ , _memorized_ the village and yes, it counts as an artifact, a legendary land in fact."

"Seriously?" Kakashi asked.

"Yeah," Xander agreed. "Your First Hokage had some divine help, because it costs a lot of mana to create and it is a wellspring of nature mana, creating more forests, year after year."

"So you could recreate it?" Jiraiya asked.

"Definitely," Xander agreed. "It's not even the most costly artifact I have on my list, though it does take up the number two spot."

"What's the most expensive?" Kakashi asked, not sure he wanted to know.

"A large white gem that eats chakra and alters time," Xander replied. "It also creates a city overnight, but that's the second stage use of it and it needs to build up to it."

"Alters time?" Jiraiya asked.

"Yeah, it can be used to affect time," Xander replied. "Not sure of the particulars at the moment, but the time thing really jumps out at me."

"How hard would it be to create?" Jiraiya asked.

"I'd need a couple more white mana, but that and a little quiet is all I'd need to create one," Xander explained. "It's just a huge load of white mana and a little will power, but considering the amount of mana, I think we need a way to hide it otherwise you could probably sense it half-way across the world."

"I've got that covered with seals," Jiraiya waved off. "A major demonstration to the Hokage, like creating that gem, should shake loose enough money for us to travel, collect a variety of mana, and get our hands on some artifacts, especially if we aren't keeping the originals."

"Sounds good to me," Xander said, the thought of expanding the color of mana he had to work with making him bounce up and down.

"I'll set up things with the Hokage for tomorrow, you two go and collect some white mana," Jiraiya ordered, before vanishing in a swirl of leaves.

"When you said Planeswalkers grow powerful quickly, you weren't just popping smoke tags," Anko said. "You are getting to the myths and legends level in no time flat. I mean, you can make villages!"

"It's only been a couple of days," Xander said, "providing I avoid angering gods and other Planeswalkers for a couple of months, I'll be able to create worlds… theoretically."

"Can you make worlds based on books?" Kakashi asked intently, making Anko laugh.

"No idea," Xander replied. "I just know it's possible if I can gain enough power and knowledge."

"Let's go and grab some more land for you," Anko said with a smirk. "I'll bring my tent."

"Why… yes, that is a great idea," Xander agreed as he recalled how they'd helped him settle his additional mana just the other day.

Kakashi grinned behind his mask. Powerful or not, Xander was easier to read than the latest issue of Make-out Paradise. "I'll let you both get to that. If you need me for anything… well, I'll probably be hiding. Bye!" he said, vanishing in a swirl of dust.

Xander laughed. "I like him."

 **Typing By – Sitheus Maximus**


	6. Chapter 6

They'd decided to create the crystal in the Hokage's office, once Xander and Anko had returned from… collecting Mana along the border with Stone, expanding further the number of Red and White Mana he had available by five each.

"The final results are in," the Toad Sage said cheerfully as he rechecked his work on the massive seal surrounding Xander, "the healing spell you use works exactly as advertised. How'd the seal practice go?"

"Still much better with his tongue than his hand," Anko interjected with a smirk.

"Very true," Xander admitted cheerfully, "but I also managed to figure out regeneration, unholy strength, and holy strength, all of which I can apply by mouth."

"Apply by mouth?" Sarutobi asked.

"Well, any bodily fluid really, but saliva works so I can apply my magic with a kiss," Xander explained. "Actual seal work using chakra is still an explosive work in progress."

"And what are the details of the three new… magics you've learned?" Sarutobi asked curiously.

"Unholy and holy strength both strengthen the body with unholy requiring Black Mana and concentrating on offensive strength while holy strength requires White Mana and concentrates on defensive strength," Xander explained. "It's a permanent effect costing one Mana. Regeneration is a bit more complicated. I connect someone to a forest and if they take lethal damage, it automatically kicks in to heal them, but only once per day."

"A single Mana? How strong are we talking here?" Jiraiya asked.

"Lean forward," Xander said. "This is holy strength."

Jiraiya leaned forward, allowing Xander to kiss the side of his neck, his eyes shooting open and his breath hissing out as the magic did its work, causing Jiraiya's muscles to strain his kimono. "Whoa!" He adjusted his suddenly too tight clothes.

"Are you OK?" Sarutobi asked.

"Yeah," Jiraiya agreed. "Could have done without the kiss, but… it's similar to the physical effects of channeling sage chakra, but more harmonious…"

"What are the limitations of this technique?" Sarutobi asked curiously.

"I can only use the pattern three times a day and you can't layer it on top of itself," Xander said. "It's one of the most basic enhancements I can use on others."

"You can't use it on yourself?" Jiraiya asked.

"I'm enhanced by being a Planeswalker seven ways from Sunday," Xander replied, "and it's similar enough to how I'm enhanced by my connection to White Mana so it'd be like layering it on top of itself."

"A lot of your basic enchantments are learned by examining the way you are connected to the various types of Mana," Sarutobi said thoughtfully.

"Yeah," Xander said slowly. "That's why all Planeswalkers learn a lot of the same basic spells, it's practically programmed in. Why didn't I see this before?"

"He's called The Professor for a reason," Anko said proudly.

"This opens up a lot of doors for me," Xander said. "You are so getting a regenerative seal! It's worth the permanent Mana cost."

Sarutobi laughed.

"Let's get to work, I wanna see this crystal," Jiraiya said, activating the seals he'd drawn and making Anko wince.

"It's like my senses are packed in cotton," Anko complained.

"That just means its working," Jiraiya said with a smirk.

"And on that note, let's begin," Xander said. Closing his eyes, he felt his connection to the plains and pulled White Mana into his hand, letting it pool there while he tapped another, and then another, and then another…

The three Nin shielded their eyes as power flooded the room, burning through the seals like they were flash paper, and still Xander called up more power until he seemed to hold the sun itself in his hands. Frozen in awe at the act of raw creation in front of them, the Nin could do naught but watch.

"And tap Magic Girl Tokyo…" Xander said distractedly. "And prest-oops!"

"Um… hi," a young boy dressed in orange offered as Xander held him bridal style, having caught him as he fell from the ceiling.

"And the Silver Millennium Crystal is now… equipped on a small child," Xander deadpanned.

"Naruto… What have you done?" Sarutobi asked, worried about what this could mean.

"Equipped?" Jiraiya asked as he recovered.

"I was climbing on the ceiling and things got fuzzy," Naruto said.

"It's bonded to him," Xander explained. "As long as he lives, it is his to wield and no one can take it from him."

"Where is it?" Anko asked.

"Probably on his chest," Xander guessed. "Over the heart is a traditional spot."

"Can you put me down?" Naruto asked.

"OK, you are the ugliest Princess I've ever seen," Xander said.

"Hah!" Naruto laughed. "Sexy jutsu!"

 ***POOF***

Xander found himself holding an overly curvy underage blonde girl dressed in wisps of smoke.

"That is a great transformation," Xander said, placing him on his feet and copying it. "The smoke that draws the eye and distracts them has to be the best part." Xander spun around but the wisps of smoke stubbornly clung to his groin and breasts.

"Finally, someone gets it!" Naruto crowed.

"How safe is the crystal?" Sarutobi asked intently.

Xander dismissed his transformation. "It's an extremely powerful reality warping device," Xander said seriously. "It takes enormous amounts of Mana to use, but that can be gotten around by using your own life force."

"And there is no way to unbind it?" Sarutobi asked.

"Nope," Xander said. "I'd suggest a lot of training and having someone with him twenty four seven."

"Really?" Naruto asked, changing back into himself, the amount of hope in his voice stabbing a dagger in the hearts of the Nin present.

"I'll make him my apprentice," Jiraiya decided.

"You seem pretty unconcerned at losing such a powerful artifact," Anko told Xander.

"I was giving it to the village anyway," Xander replied with a shrug. "He's young and enthusiastic, so learning to wield the crystal will be easier for him, as it's very complicated to use properly."

"Plus you can make another," Anko realized.

"Not on this plane," Xander said, "or possibly just not in this solar system. It's a unique item, beyond legendary. There will never be two crystals in one place."

"What crystals?" Naruto asked.

"Take off your shirt," Jiraiya ordered. "It should be stuck on your chest."

"Eh?" Naruto asked, confused as he took off his bright orange jacket.

"At least we won't have to worry about him accidentally activating it," Sarutobi said as Naruto removed his shirt.

"No, that will be a problem," Xander said. "See, it's complicated because it has a million and one uses. I just told you the most dangerous ones. Lesser powers take less power to use."

"This could be a problem," Jiraiya said as he stared at the seal on Naruto's stomach, which was completely visible and had the glowing crystal lodged in the center of it, slowly changing the black ink of the seal into lines of gleaming silver.

"You didn't happen to seal some great evil connected to the moon into the kid, did ya?" Xander asked.

"Wait, what?" Naruto asked, seeing no one had jumped to say no while he tugged at the crystal that seemed to be glued to his belly button.

"The crystal was created by the Moon Kingdom to rid the universe of dark powers," Xander explained, "So if you were to have… the bunny of the moon sealed into you, or rather an evil version of it, the crystal would eat it."

"Eat it?" Jiraiya asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, but what are the odds… He had the evil bunny of the moon sealed into him?" Xander asked in surprise.

"The nine tailed fox," Sarutobi admitted, "though on reflection, the ears were more like a rabbit's."

"Foxes hunt rabbits, that's probably why it'd change its form to that," Jiraiya offered.

"I thought the fourth Hokage killed it!" Naruto exclaimed, looking at his stomach in horror. "Why was it stuck in me?!"

"It was too powerful to be killed, all he could do was seal it away," the Hokage explained, "and you were born at just the right time, so he entrusted you to keep Konoha safe."

"And that's why everyone ignores me?" Naruto asked.

"They hate and fear the fox and since you contain it, keeping everyone safe, some of those feelings leak over onto you," Sarutobi admitted.

"'Did' contain the Fox," Xander said as he examined the seal, "or rather in about five minutes that's what I'll say. Mr Bun is going to be completely absorbed by then and I am seriously surprised it's taking this long, the Fox must have been enormously powerful."

"Mr Bun?" Anko asked.

"Short for bunny," Xander replied. "The crystal is purifying as it goes, so the bunny will be purged of all darkness as it's absorbed."

"What are the lesser functions?" Jiraiya asked as they all watched the slow crawl of silver across the seal.

"The healing spell I use I picked up from it. It's also good at purging darkness, getting rid of demons… and just about anything he wants it to do."

"Can it make ramen?" Naruto asked excitedly.

Xander nodded. "Create food and drink is a very basic function, but you'll have to wait for it to finish first."

"Can it harm him?" Sarutobi asked.

"He can harm himself using it," Xander replied. "It doesn't act independently if that's what you're asking, but he could easily kill himself by trying something stupid like… resurrecting an entire graveyard. Doing something like that would cost so much energy, it'd suck the life right out of him."

"But it's safe to use for healing?" Sarutobi asked.

"As long as he doesn't overdo it," Xander agreed. "A room full of people a day isn't a big strain, but an entire hospital floor would be."

The seal on Naruto's stomach lit up, glowing silver and shrinking as it was absorbed into the gem, which was glowing brighter and brighter.

"What do I do?!" Naruto asked worriedly.

"That just means it's fully charged and ready for use," Xander assured him, "you don't have to do anything."

"And it's always going to glow like that?" Jiraiya asked.

"As long as it's charged," Xander replied. "Put on your shirt and no one will notice."

Naruto quickly pulled on his shirt, covering the gem, which was still glowing brightly but was much less noticeable. "How do I use it to make ramen?" he asked excitedly.

"Concentrate on the crystal and the food you want," Xander said. "The better you visualize it, the easier it will be."

"Is that safe?" Sarutobi asked as Naruto closed his eyes and scrunched his face in concentration.

"It's best he start with small uses of the crystal so he can get a feel for it," Xander replied. "The last thing you want is for his first use to be something large that kills him."

There was a flash of light and a bowl the size of a child's wading pool appeared in the center of the room, filled with ramen.

"It worked!" Naruto exclaimed happily.

"Someone needs to teach him moderation," Jiraiya said, catching Naruto before he could dive in.

"That lets me out," Anko said cheerfully, grabbing Xander's hand. "Come on, we have a prank to play!"

"Use chopsticks!" Jiraiya ordered, pulling a pair out of nowhere and forcing Naruto to grab them.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"You can use Green Mana to restore someone to what they should have been, which is a bit larger in most cases, but can you use Green Mana to make giant creatures out of normal ones like the creatures in the Forest of Death?" Anko asked.

"Theoretically… yes," Xander agreed. "One of the most basic Green spells is called Giant Growth, but it only lasts a day and then they return to normal. Permanently enhancing with Green Mana is something I'll have to study to figure out."

"You could make someone a giant for a day?" Anko asked, surprised.

"Nope, or at least not yet," Xander replied. "I was working on other things. Give me a day or two in the forest and I'll probably have it."

"We've got a clan with a skill like that," she said thoughtfully, "but it only lasts a short time because of how much chakra it costs."

"It's pretty cheap, but Planeswalker cheap, not normal person cheap, for me to cast," Xander said.

"Something to look into later," Anko said, "but for now, let me explain my prank idea to you…"

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Well, that was terrifying," Jiraiya told Sarutobi as they watched Naruto attempt to eat several times his body weight in ramen.

"Indeed," the old man agreed, lighting his pipe and noticing his hands looked a little younger and he felt a bit stronger than he had just a few hours ago. "We forgot that for all his kindness, he is not human."

"I thought all that talk of growing more powerful than the gods was idle boasting," Jiraiya admitted.

"Apparently he was being modest," Sarutobi said with a small chuckle.

"Sometimes you have to see something to believe it," Jiraiya admitted.

 ***BURP!***

The two turned and saw Naruto lying against the inside of the empty ramen pool with a contented smile on his face.

"And sometimes not even then," Sarutobi admitted.

 **Typing By: Abyssal Angel**


	7. Chapter 7

"Does this count as blue mana?" Anko asked as they came down from the mountainside and stepped into an overcast and gloomy land.

"Marsh," Xander said with a smile. "It counts as black and blue, making it very useful."

"Both of which you are lacking," Jiraiya noted.

"Exactly," Xander said. "The one swamp we hit on the way here helped but I am still low on black much less blue which this is the first one we've hit other than Konoha itself."

"What black techniques do you know?" Anko asked.

"Unholy strength and the reverse Weakness, which I should have figured out days ago," Xander replied. "Paralyze and destroy should be possible, but I'll have to experiment and haven't had the mana to try until now."

Anko left no trace as she walked even as Xander sunk ankle deep into the marshy ground.

"My contacts say our target will be patrolling the border with his team. Despite being promoted to Jounin he's still not completely trusted," Jiraiya explained. "I don't have any details on his companions but since they are from Rain expect them to have specializing in water techniques."

"What's our plan of attack?" Anko asked.

"Since we aren't looking to start a conflict with Rain it's vital that we don't cause any permanent injuries to them," Jiraiya instructed, "we need to distract them so we can take them down easy. Any ideas?"

"Attack them with summons and while they're dealing with that we ambush them," Anko suggested.

"Summons are too easily sensed," Jiraiya disagreed, "plus when they disperse the first one they'll know something is up."

"I can summon some animals and send them to distract them," Xander pointed out. "Mine aren't chakra constructs so they can't be sensed as anything but normal and won't disperse when killed."

"You can summon animals?" Jiraiya asked.

"Any animal I touch I can create a summon of," Xander explained.

"What are the limits of your ability?" Jiraiya asked already planning on how to use it.

"I can only summon three a day of any one pattern," Xander said, "and the more powerful they are the more mana it costs."

"And?" Jiraiya asked expecting more limitations.

"No 'and' that's the only limitations," Xander said.

"How intelligent can they be before you can't summon them?" Jiraiya asked, trying to recall if Xander had run across any nin-dogs.

"Why would their intelligence matter?" Xander asked.

"Well if you can't copy people only animals then there is probably a limit based on intelligence," Jiraiya explained his reasoning.

"Human beings are part of the animal kingdom," Xander assured him.

"You can copy people?" Jiraiya asked, stunned.

"They aren't copies," Xander said. "What do you know about growing crystals?"

"Almost nothing," Jiraiya said, "and what I do know is just about the crystallization of certain chemicals used for sabotage purposes."

"Ok, well even if all the ingredients are the same no two crystals will be. Each crystal is unique but follows a similar pattern," Xander explained.

"So, they wouldn't be complete duplicates?" Anko asked just to be sure.

"Not remotely," Xander assured her. "If I copied Jiraiya I'd be creating a high level ninja sage but it wouldn't have his face or memories."

"How much would it cost?" Jiraiya found himself asking.

"Let me see your hand," Xander said.

"You aren't going to copy me, are you?" he asked cautiously.

"No, I want to see your pattern so I can tell you the costs," Xander explained.

"Alright," the toad sage said extending a hand.

Xander took his hand and held it for a second before releasing it. "Six mana of various colors and I'd have to sacrifice an untapped land."

"Sacrifice a land?" Anko asked. "That doesn't sound good."

"I'm not talking about destroying it," Xander assured her. "Sages require a land to be a sage of, so I'd simply be releasing it to them."

"That is an insanely powerful ability," Jiraiya said.

"Planeswalker," Xander reminded him.

"Let's stick to animals for now," Jiraiya said.

"How much would a copy of me cost?" Anko asked with a grin, holding out a hand.

Xander took her hand. "Four mana," Xander replied. "While you aren't Jounin you are more skilled than that rank requires."

"You just learned our specialties," Jiraiya realized.

"I have to know what I am summoning to summon it," Xander replied.

"So, if we catch some local animals you can create copies of them," Anko said. "How much control will you have over them?"

"They are completely loyal," Xander assured her.

"You could make your own hidden village in a week," Jiraiya realized.

"Easily," Xander agreed.

"Planeswalker," Jiraiya said.

"Exactly," Xander agreed.

Anko grinned and licked her lips.

 **OoOoOoOoOo**

A grizzly bear dropped right on top of Soun, knocking him out and probably breaking some bones.

Suki immediately dove to the side, narrowly missing having a bear land on her. She flung a handful of poisoned senbons, but that only seemed to anger the bear which immediately picked itself up and lunged after her.

Aoi drew a bladeless sword hilt from his belt and then slowly keeled over with several needles in the back of his neck.

Xander called the bears off, distracting Suki who didn't even notice Jiraiya fade into sight behind her and knock her out with a single blow.

"He's going to need some medical attention," Anko noted as she examined Soun's limp form.

"Tie them up and I'll heal all three at once," Xander replied.

"Here," Anko said, passing Xander the hilt of the bladeless sword.

Xander examined it and began to grin. "It's a legendary weapon. Two red and two colorless." The hilt suddenly sprouted a blade of light and Xander gave it a few practice swings. "It's a god damn lightsaber… with some magnetic manipulation abilities." He laughed and extinguished the blade.

"Are they close enough?" Anko asked as she finished tying Suki to a tree next to the ones the others were tied to.

Xander looked at the three. "A bit wide, but I can get it from the side." He walked around the edge of the tree Suki was tied to, so all the trees were in a row. "Moon Healing Escalation!" he called out doing a bend and twist that made Anko snort as white light flowed through the forest around them.

The three Rain nin awoke instantly and took in their present situation.

"Fuck!"

"I see my reputation precedes me," Jiraiya said cheerfully.

"Or mine," Anko said, leering at the three.

"Definitely not mine," Xander said stepping forward and placing two fingers on Suki's forehead before doing the same thing to the other two.

"We'll tell you nothing," Soun said stoically, shifting in the ropes to see if they'd missed any of his hidden weapons and slumping as he realized they hadn't.

"Relax," Jiraiya said companionably, "we are here for information on a Leaf matter not a Rain one."

"I knew you'd come for me eventually," Aoi cursed.

"We're more here for The Sword of The Thunder God you stole and to get a statement so we can finish up some paperwork," Jiraiya assured him.

"If you tell them the full unvarnished truth I'll give you a shiny new chakra blade to replace the one we're retrieving," Xander offered.

The three captured nin gave him doubtful looks but Xander simply took a chakra blade from his pack and dropped it with their supplies.

"It's his blade and he is trading up," Jiraiya said at their confused expressions. "Now, in your own words, tell me about how you stole the blade and what happened to Idate Mornino."

 **One story later**

"Ok, I'm satisfied," Jiraiya said, closing his notebook. "Aoi Rokusho you will be removed from Leaf's roles as a missing nin, however you are not welcome in Fire Country, have a nice life."

"That's it?" Aoi asked in disbelief.

"That's it," Jiraiya agreed. "We've retrieved Leaf's treasure and cleared up a couple of questions about the status of you and Idate. Good bye."

Xander waved at the three bears and they wandered off into the woods.

"Ibiki will be happy his younger brother has been cleared," Anko said, satisfied the job was done.

"Are we going to untie them?" Xander asked.

"The chakra seals will burn out in another two minutes and they can snap the ropes, they'll be fine," Jiraiya told him.

"Let's make tracks," Anko said.

 **OoOoOoOoOo**

"OK, we should be far enough away," Jiraiya decided, slowing down and letting the other two catch up.

"That went a lot easier than I thought it would," Xander admitted.

"You dropped bears on their heads," Anko said. "Who expects that?"

"Australians," Xander replied.

"What's going to happen to the bears?" Jiraiya asked.

"I ordered them to go off and live their life as normal," Xander replied, "so they are going to go do that."

"So, you can summon creatures and then release them from your service?" Jiraiya asked.

"Yes and no," Xander replied. "If I ever call them or run across them they'll still serve me."

"Can you transfer that loyalty?" the toad sage asked.

"I can order them to be loyal to someone else, but they'll still hold loyalty to me," Xander explained.

"What about their kids?" Anko asked.

"Depends," Xander said with a shrug. "They may or may not be loyal to me depending on how they were raised, etc… it's only the ones I summon that have absolute loyalty."

"Did you get anything interesting from the three when you acquired their patterns?" Jiraiya asked.

"Aoi is barely a Jounin, three mana," Xander said. "The other two were solid Jounin at four apiece, she has a specialty in poisons, and he has one in tracking."

"Make a copy of me," Anko told Xander, causing both of them to stare at her. "What? I've always wanted a sister."

Xander sat down on a nearby boulder. "OK, but remember, unlike your summons she's a real person."

"If I wanted an illusionary one I'd use a shadow clone," Anko replied, bouncing on her heels.

Xander pried his eyes away from her breasts. "Fine, one sadistic special jounin coming right up."

A young woman with dark purple hair and green eyes who looked like she could be Anko's cousin suddenly appeared in front of Xander. She was dressed similarly to Anko, but in darker colors and her Hitai-ate had a stylized X on it rather than the leaf symbol. "Lord Xander," she said bowing her head in acknowledgement.

"Tiamo," Xander named her, stepping forward and kissing the side of her neck and giving her Holy strength. He held out his hand and a copy of White Fang formed that he passed her.

"What's your favorite food?" Anko asked.

"No idea," Tiamo replied, "never eaten anything before. I was just created, all I know is my skill set."

"And what's that?" Anko asked.

"Hard in, easy out, and make it wet," she said with a smirk.

"Heavy assault, infiltration, and interrogation," Jiraiya translated.

"Along with some other skills, but they aren't nearly as fun," Tiamo said, making Anko laugh.

"We are going to get along just fine," Anko said brightly.

"If my copy looked like her, I'd have you make me one too," Jiraiya joked.

Xander nodded and a moment later a mature woman with long green hair and bright blue eyes was looking around herself curiously, a smirk on her face as she examined the toad sage closely.

"I dub thee Joan," Xander decided, thinking of Joan of Arc.

She nodded absently and adjusted her red and black kimono, lined with sections of chainmail, to show off a little more cleavage. "And who are you and more importantly how big are you?" Joan asked Jiraiya.

"What?" Jiraiya asked Xander.

"Some of the details I can fiddle with a bit," Xander replied. "Joan is the sage of the Forest of Death I gave her a wild growth forest in there."

"You have my skill set?" the toad sage asked intently.

"Let's grab a hotel room, order up a pair of girls and see," she told him.

"Two green mana instead of one has an effect on the libido," Xander said. "Holy or unholy strength?" he asked her.

"Unholy," she decided after a moment of thought, "I have a good healing rate thanks to the excess green mana so let's go with a little more… penetration."

"I don't know whether to be delighted of horrified," Jiraiya said as she pulled Xander's head down to make him kiss her cleavage.

Xander blinked as she released him. "And you can affect others with green mana by touch."

She smiled.

"And a White Fang for you too," he said, passing her a sword.

"We are getting separate rooms from her," Tiamo told Anko who nodded.

"Why haven't you made copies of the Raijin?" Anko asked.

"White Fang is on the edge of legendary but Raijin is legendary," Xander replied, "meaning one copy per world."

"Bit of a let down, but still awesome," Anko decided. "Can you summon snakes?" she asked Tiamo.

"No, I haven't signed the contract," Tiamo replied.

"Probably going to have to kill Orochimaru before that happens," Anko admitted.

"Then that's what we'll do," Tiamo replied.

Anko's bloodthirsty grin assured she was more than willing to help.

"Lord Xander, is it alright if I kill Orochimaru?" Tiamo asked Xander, pressing breasts to his side and batting her eyes. "Please?"

"If Jiraiya says it's OK," Xander said patting her arm. "He's our leader on all ninja matters."

They turned to Joan and Jiraiya who had both pulled out notebooks and were discussing story ideas.

"We'll ask them when we get to wherever we're staying for the night," Xander decided. "I'm assuming killing him is going to be a big deal and not something as simple as sending him a bomb in a box."

"He's one of Konoha's greatest traitors and a sage himself," Anko replied. "I was his apprentice and he's the bastard who stuck that seal on me."

"OK, then as soon as-" Xander was tackled out of the way of a spray of kunai trailing explosive tags by Tiamo.

 ***Boom***

The trail flooded with attackers.

"We were too involved in our art," Joan complained throwing up a wall of stone.

"We got sloppy," Jiraiya agreed stomping his foot and causing spikes to spring out from the ground skewering several nin.

"Who are these fuckers?!" Tiamo demanded as she snapped the neck of one while kicking another in the balls.

Xander simply grabbed one of the attackers and used him as a bludgeon on the attackers nearby.

"I'm seeing Root and some music note group," Anko said as she sent a series of venomous snakes into the ground.

"That would be Sound," Jiraiya said. "I guess it's confirmed, Danzo is involved with Orochimaru and my old traitorous teammate is running Sound village." His hands flickered out and almost casually sent a spray of poisoned senbons back at their owner.

"Does this mean we can kill him?" Tiamo asked hopefully.

"If we can find him," the toad sage confirmed as dozens of nin came out of the weeds around them.

"Oh goodie!" Anko said and clapped her hands like a little girl, distracting the nin in front of her as Tiamo sliced his head off with a glowing white blade.

"Lord Xander, we need some options," Joan said as she whipped her long hair about and it carved off half the face of a nin behind her.

"Time for a little hocus pocus," Xander said, "everyone watch closely, since I can only do this once."

Nearby nin frantically threw themselves towards Xander trying to prevent him from getting whatever technique he was using off, only to be cut down by two very sadistic kunoichi.

Xander brought his hands in front of him a ball of blue/white energy forming, then he gave a girly spin, crossing his arms and flinging them outwards filling the air with a cold mist. "Shabon Spray!"

The effect was immediately apparent as the nin surrounding them stumbled around stabbing the air randomly.

"You have the most powerful girly looking attacks ever," Anko decided with a grin as she flung edged and scaly death around with abandon.

"Yeah, but man is it effective," Tiamo said as she cleared out all the nearby nin with her sword.

Jiraiya and Joan cleared large swaths of the forces with large scale water jutsu followed by lighting jutsu, followed by fire jutsu, followed by an ability she called Tangle Wood.

Anko idly stabbed a groaning nin. "Is that all of them?"

Jiraiya and Joan both closed their eyes and took deep breaths, after a couple of heartbeats they walked to several spots on the killing ground and stomped, indenting the earth. "That's all of them," they chorused.

The mist slowly faded away revealing a small army of corpses.

"Cool, free gear," Xander said. "I wonder if any of them were carrying cash."

"You have a kunai in your shoulder," Tiamo noted.

"And some senbons in my back," Xander added.

"We either need to get you more Taijutsu training or some nice thick armor," Jiraiya said.

"Armor, that's what I forgot," Xander complained smacking himself on the forehead as Anko and Tiamo started removing sharp bits of metal and drawing poison from wounds.

"Another thing you haven't mentioned?" Jiraiya asked.

"No, one I forgot to apply," Xander replied. He summoned another White Fang and gave it to Anko. I can create artifacts easily and have plenty of mana… or I did. Anyway, I could have created that green crystal plate mail I was wearing at the castle."

"Next major battle, remember to put that on first," Jiraiya suggested.

"I will, those little needles itch," Xander assured him.

"That's the cobra venom," Anko and Tiamo replied in unison.

 **Typing By: fyrewolf5**

 **TN: Oh god, two Anko's, and two Jiraiya's, one of which is a female, did you find a real copy of one Jiraiya's Icha Icha Paradise somewhere?**

 **AN: OtteryLexa requested a new chapter and my Muse agreed!**


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey look, an inn," Xander said cheerfully, "and totally not a trap."

The four nin turned to look at him.

"What? You don't find the fact that following their backtrail leads us past an inn at the exact point we could use a break is even slightly suspicious?"

"There is such a thing as too paranoid," Jiraiya pointed out.

"Ninja traps usually involve exploding tags or loads of mooks," Anko said, "not two story inns along well traveled routes."

"The amount of nature chakra in the background is a little high," Joan admitted, "but that's likely from a spiritual grove or something similar."

"I'll agree it's a trap, but I'm just sucking up," Tiamo offered.

"Can't exactly suck him off until we get a room so up will have to do," Anko said.

"Precisely," Tiamo agreed.

Xander leaned down and put his hand on the ground. "Green mana, nothing special," he said. "It just seems too convenient, but then again I am from Sunnydale, so I'll admit I'm probably a tad paranoid."

"Excellent, I am getting on in years so a bed would be nice," Jiraiya said with a leer at Joan.

"Hopefully not too old," she said, walking past him with a sway in her step that they all found themselves following.

Xander laughed, sensing that she was using green mana to get that response or at least enhance it.

"Coming, my Lord?" Tiamo asked as she copied Joan.

"Not yet, but he soon will be," Anko promised, joining her 'sister'.

Jiraiya laid a hand on Xander's shoulder. "They are a bigger trap than the inn could ever be, so let's go spring it."

"Wisdom of the sage," Xander said with a grin as they followed the three.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"What do you mean, you're all filled up?" Joan asked in disbelief.

"We have half a caravan waiting for the other half to catch up and a minor lord in residence," the owner explained, "even the stable is packed."

"Ok, this I did not expect," Xander admitted.

"Looks like we're camping out," Jiraiya said, disappointed.

"Or I could… expand the inn," Xander said thoughtfully. "It'd leave me tapped out till morning, but provide some additional protection."

"Putting up a green crystal castle may draw a bit too much attention," Jiraiya pointed out.

"At least until I have enough blue to work on my illusionary terrain," Xander agreed, "but I was thinking of something a little easier. I'll cast Buttress on the building, that gives us a little added defense and should add at least one floor onto it."

"I'm guessing you've never done it before and do you really want your first test to be in an occupied building?" Jiraiya asked.

"A very good point," Xander agreed. "While I'm sure it's safe, it could cause some panic."

"How big does the building have to be anyway?" Jiraiya asked. "Could you cast it on a tent?"

"A tent would work," Xander said thoughtfully. "Not sure how much extra room we'll get from something that small though."

"We could raise a simple cottage in no time flat," Joan told Jiraiya. "You raise the walls and I'll handle the roof, doors, and furniture."

"A bit rough but better than a tent," Jiraiya agreed.

"We passed a nice sized clearing next to the river just a half mile away," Anko said. "It's far enough from the road that we should have some privacy."

"Sounds great," Xander said. "Let's go."

The five vanished out into the dusk, causing the 'noble' to curse and signal for the owner. "What was that about?" he demanded.

"Just some travelers, sir," the owner said politely, "but as you have taken the last two rooms, I had to send them away."

"Thank you," he said, "you may go."

The owner left to attend to his other guests.

"Well, my Lord," one of his guards said sarcastically, "Your plan was as foolproof as you claimed."

"How was I supposed to know he'd given us the last two rooms?!" the 'noble' demanded, "He always keeps a few open for important guests…"

"Like a minor noble," the guard agreed blandly.

"OK, new plan," the noble said, "We find their camp and rain exploding tags on it until it's a crater!"

"Finally, a sensible plan," the other guard said happily.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Ok, this is a bit more impressive than I expected," Xander admitted as he looked at the 'simple' cottage.

Joan had grown oak trees to brace the smooth granite walls Jiraiya had raised, and to serve as a roof. Rather than windows, there were arrow slits high up in the walls and a simple opening where the front door should be.

"Why were we even staying in inns?" Xander asked.

"Food, sake, and gossip," Jiraiya explained. "Ninja live and die by the information they receive."

"Plus we have released a lot of chakra," Joan added. "The higher than normal background levels of sage chakra will help disguise it, but in other areas it's like setting off fireworks."

Xander nodded and gathered two of his few remaining mana, one green and one white. "Buttress," he said, placing his hands on the granite wall in front of him.

The mana infused the structure, making visible changes to its very nature. Smooth granite changed to rough stone walls a good two feet thick. Thick prismatic glass grew in the small windows, preventing a clear view of the interior. The trees grew to keep pace with the expanding walls, thick thorny vines snaking along the exterior to deter any who thought to climb the outside walls. A massive stone door grew across the entryway.

"Damn," Jiraiya said in wonder at the massive keep that stood before them, suitable to house an entire squad of nin.

A bird landed on the wall only to have a thorny vine entangle and drag it off.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Naruto settled down in his new bed and got ready to sleep. Life had become so much better lately! He was living with Kakashi, one of the few ANBU who he had a hard time pranking and he was teaching him a whole bunch of neat stuff.

Kakashi had shown him firework tags and introduced him to comic books, explaining that was the reason reading and writing were so important, because how else could you make your own fireworks and read comics?

Kakashi was awesome!

 **Inside the seal**

A pair of shadow clones watched as inside a crystal a silver haired woman with nine furry tails went over a series of complex equations looking for ways to improve the efficiency of the food summoning technique and the passive healing aura.

"Of all the things I thought might trigger the failsafe and awaken us, this is not something I'd ever imagine occurring," the shadow clone of Minato Namikaze said.

"I'd be shocked if you had," the shadow clone of Kushina Uzumaki-Namikaze replied. "How much time do we have?"

"Without the chakra of the Nine Tail eating away at us?" he asked rhetorically. "Considering our current state… several years."

"And if the crystal eats us like it did Kurama?" she asked.

"Forever?" he asked/answered with a shrug.

"Well, we have a couple of years before we make that decision," Kushina said. "In the meantime let's visit Naruto's dreams and see how his life has been. While we can't speak to him in the real world, and he hasn't visited his mindscape yet, the dreamscape is still an option."

"Its ideas like that, that made me marry you," he said with a smile.

"I thought it was because you knocked me up."

"Nope, I knocked you up so you'd have to marry me!" he claimed with a grin.

Kushina laughed.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Where the hell did that come from?!"

The five nin stared at the building.

"There is no way they actually sealed an entire building inside a scroll," one of the identically clad Sound Nin said, "even if Jiraiya is a seal expert."

"Look at the way those trees are rooted and growing into the structure, it had to have been hidden under a genjutsu when we passed this way last time."

"Think the rising levels of nature chakra caused it to break?" one asked.

"I don't know, but make a note of it for Lord Orochimaru," another answered, "we are to report any suspected side effects of new jutsu."

"I don't think we can get in without actively using chakra," one of them said as they contemplated the situation.

"And we don't have enough explosive tags to handle this," another added.

"We'll have to report this as a failure," one said quietly.

"But not through our actions and we've gained additional intel."

"You're looking at it all wrong," one of them said, "we are not reporting a failure, we are falling back to report intel and gather additional forces to insure we don't fail."

The rising tension seemed to dissipate.

"An early morning attack once they're left a heavily fortified position is more likely to work," a relieved nin said, "especially if we have time to fortify our own position."

"Agreed, let's go."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

The sun rose and Xander awoke as a river of mana flooded through him. "Better than coffee," Xander said as his bedmates came instantly awake, eyes darting about for threats before relaxing once more.

"Your power is such magnificent bullshit," Anko said as she slid out of the silk sheets.

"Damn skippy," Xander said cheerfully.

"How about some breakfast?" Tiamo suggested.

"That sounds great," Anko said.

"Food sounds like a great idea," Xander agreed.

Jiraiya faded into sight with his sketch pad in hand. "What? No morning sex?"

Joan faded in as well with her own pad. "Have we been moving at too fast a pace for you kids?"

"No, we're good," Xander said as the two kunoichi chuckled, "but sex isn't the only thing we do, there is also blowing shit up!"

"And drinking," Tiamo added.

"Besides, if morning sex is all that important, what are you two doing here?" Anko asked with a smirk.

Jiraiya waved it off. "We've been up for hours."

"Now is the time for art!" Joan added. "Which rather proves your point I suppose."

"Yes, now is time for food, then explosions," Xander said, "unless anyone thinks we won't be ambushed as soon as we leave?"

The nin laughed gaily, genuinely amused at the thought that they wouldn't be attacked.

"That's a good one," Joan said, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.

 **One good sized breakfast later**

"Remind me to have you cast this on my house," Jiraiya said. "That kitchen is far better than the one I have at home."

"Weren't you planning on moving into the castle?" Anko asked.

"Yeah, but imagine what it'll do for the resale price," he said with a grin.

Xander laughed. "Not a problem, I need the practice anyway."

"Are we ready to go or do we want to frustrate our ambushers some more?" Tiamo asked.

"The pantry has some very nice black tea," Anko pointed out.

"I like tea," Joan said, "let's have a cup while they get impatient."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Kakashi woke with a start as Naruto rushed into his room, avoiding the reflexive stab with a kunai to jump on his stomach.

"What are we going to do today? Is it going to be the leaf thing again? That was boring. Can't we learn any fun jutsu or maybe a spar? Yeah! A spar would be great!" Naruto rattled off.

"You are just full of energy, aren't you?" Kakashi asked in disbelief.

"I had a dream about my parents," Naruto said. "My mom had red hair, which was a surprise, and my father said you were to teach me how to make a Rasengan, whatever that is."

Kakashi was suddenly wide awake. "He did? Maybe you should tell me about this dream over breakfast."

"You wanna hear about my dream?" he asked excitedly. It was rare that anyone other than the old man wanted to spend much time talking to him.

"While I make us some breakfast," Kakashi agreed.

"I get breakfast?" the little boy asked in wonder.

"Of course," Kakashi said, making a mental note to take a much closer look at what Naruto's life had been like until recently. The caretaker that checked on Naruto's well being was supposed to make sure the kid was eating right and from the looks of things he hadn't. "Let me get a quick shower then I'll make us some eggs."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"What is taking them so long?!" a nin demanded from the tree he was hiding in.

"They are probably making plans," another suggested.

"No, they're having sex," a nin with a spyglass said, as he watched the building.

"Again?!"

The ROOT operatives remained silent, simply noting their targets were likely to be more relaxed, making for smoother movements but less overall strength, with a good chance of reduced situational awareness as well.

"I say we attack them," one Sound Nin said. "We can catch them with their pants down!"

A squirrel wandered to close to the building and a thorny vine lashed out to ensnare the poor animal, dragging its screeching form off as it clawed at the ground.

Even the ROOT operatives turned to stare at the nin who had suggested attacking.

"Nevermind," he said, settling in for a long wait.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Naruto went to get some ramen while Kakashi talked to the old man. Breakfast had been great for a non-ramen meal but that had been hours ago!

Sure it was only two hours, but that still counted.

He was halfway there when he spotted Sasuke carrying flowers and slinking through a back alley. Naruto froze for a second before chasing after him to make sure he wasn't taking them to Sakura.

It quickly became apparent Sasuke wasn't heading towards Sakura's place but was instead heading to the Uchiha sector. Curious, he followed, taking care not to be seen.

Naruto paused when Sasuke entered his family cemetery, knowing that following Sasuke in there would be wrong, but his curiosity prodded at him so he reluctantly entered.

Sasuke stopped at his parent's graves. "Father," he said respectfully, giving a slight bow before turning to his mother's grave and laying the flowers on them. "Hi, Mom," he said, remaining quiet for so long that Naruto almost left before Sasuke started speaking once more, telling her about his life and the problems he'd been having and how much he missed her.

Naruto's eyes began to tear up as he realized Sasuke was alone too. He felt a brief surge of envy that Sasuke had at least gotten to know his mother, but a small part of him wondered if it wasn't better that way. It was harder to miss what you'd never known. Regardless, he hated to see Sasuke this way, beaten, defeated, hurting.

Responding to Naruto's desires, the crystal began to glow brightly, surrounding Naruto in an aura of power.

 **In the seal  
**

"That's a lot of power," Kushina said as the nine tailed woman began to manipulate multiple screens that floated in the air around her, looking for the solution to Naruto's problem.

"Mikoto," Minato noted as a transparent image of her floated in front of the woman in the crystal.

"What's it doing?" Kushina asked.

"I think… its resurrecting Mikoto," he said after a minute.

"What?!"

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Naruto fell limply to the ground and Sasuke cautiously approached him when a groan from behind him caught his attention. "Mom?!" he asked in disbelief as he stared at the unconscious woman laying on top of his mother's grave.

 **Typing By: Abyssal Angel**


	9. Chapter 9

"…and that's when I decided to report to you immediately," Kakashi finished.

"I see," Sarutobi said thoughtfully before taking a drag off his pipe.

"Do you really think it's…" Kakashi's voice trailed off.

"Alexander stated that with the artifact, Naruto could raise an entire graveyard though at a great price. Logically, simply speaking to his departed parents should cost very little," the old man reasoned.

"Looks like I'm going to be training him to use the Rasengan then," Kakashi said with a smile that made the corner of his one visible eye crinkle.

"Good luck with that," Sarutobi said, amused as he recalled all the reports about the chaos Naruto caused in school.

Kakashi smirked behind his mask. "You just have to know how to motivate him."

Their meeting was interrupted by the appearance of a bear masked ANBU who appeared in a swirl of leaves, kneeling in front of the Hokage's desk.

"Report," Sarutobi ordered.

"We have an incident involving The Uzumaki in the Uchiha graveyard," Bear replied. "An unconscious woman matching the appearance of Uchiha Mikoto appeared unconscious on top of her grave in a flash of light as The Uzumaki passed out. Both appear to be fine though have yet to regain consciousness. We have moved them to the closest house in the Uchiha district. There appears to have been no witnesses to the incident save myself and my squad."

Sarutobi and Kakashi leapt to their feet.

"Kakashi, you check the site for chakra traces and anything else you can think of and have Cat retrieve Inoichi. I'll check on Naruto and make sure he's alright. Bear…"

"Yes, sir!" Bear practically vibrated in place, eager to obey.

"Clean up all these leaves," the Hokage ordered before vanishing in a swirl of chakra that noticeably did not scatter leaves all over the Hokage's office.

"Newbies," Kakashi said with a chuckle before walking out the door.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Think we've annoyed them enough?" Joan asked with a smirk, as she started gathering nature chakra, causing her curves to swell and catch the eye as her muscles grew.

"We really should put them out of their misery," Jiraiya agreed, matching her growth with his own, his form taking on a slightly amphibious cast.

"Holy shades of Innsmouth, Batman!" Xander exclaimed with a grin, summoning a set of green crystal plate armor and European great sword.

Anko and Tiamo exchanged evil grins as they checked their weapons.

Xander tilted his head as he examined Joan closely. "I just thought of something."

"Is it a sex act?" Joan asked with a leer.

"No, but you may be able to pull it off if you pay close attention," Xander said, suddenly becoming the focus of all the nin's attention as he gathered two white mana and one green. "Wall of brambles!"

Sudden screams and curses came from outside as the nin rushed out to take advantage of the confusion.

Xander followed and found the battle was nearly half over by the time he got out the door, half a dozen nameless mooks in white masks, peppered with throwing weapons and partially restrained by wires were bleeding out while another eight were being torn through by a pair of sages and two very enthusiastic young women with blade fetishes.

Another dozen nin were fast converging on the fighters using fire jutsu to cut through the brambles that lashed out at everyone Xander didn't like.

"That was useful," Jiraiya noted with a grin as he readied himself to face the nin rushing through the flaming vines.

Xander gathered a single green mana and waited for a second. "Regenerate," he called out as the flames were overwhelmed by new growth and the sea of thorny vines entangled and gouged at the invading nin.

Restrained or slowed, the faceless mooks met a quick end.

Joan chuckled. "I'm pretty sure I could cause local plant life to regenerate, but the power needed to create the brambles is a bit above my pay grade."

"Maybe if we combined our chakra," Jiraiya said thoughtfully while Tiamo and Anko looted the bodies.

Joan made a few signs and the bodies sank into the soil.

The group restocked their edged weapons and placed all the equipment they didn't need inside the keep.

"Sex and violence," Anko said cheerfully, "what a great way to start the day."

"Some of them were actually carrying maps," Jiraiya said with a chuckle. "Amateurs."

"And such simple ciphers too," Joan said, shaking her head.

"Yeah, simple," Anko said, rolling her eyes at the incomprehensible confusion of symbols.

The vines parted to allow them to pass, closing behind them.

"Do we need you with us to get in?" Jiraiya asked.

"No," Xander said, "it'll remember you guys and let you through along with anyone you'd care to bring, unless they are hostile of course, then they'll shred them."

"Now that's my idea of a safehouse," Anko said.

"So, what's the next step?" Xander asked.

"We've got two secret bases and over a dozen supply caches," Jiraiya said. "What do you think we should do next?"

"I do like the idea of looting…" Xander said slowly. "But I'm going to have to say we should stay on target and just have our allies loot for us."

"Allies?" Anko asked.

Xander called up and used four white mana, creating a broad shouldered red headed man with a bushy beard. "Donald, tracking expert."

"Lord Xander," the man said, giving a short bow.

Xander called up another four mana and created a slender blonde. "Minnie, a poison expert."

"Lord Xander," she said with a bow, waiting for orders.

Xander called up three chakra and created a top heavy girl with blue hair. "Daisy, high chunin but an expert in traps and is a chakra sensor."

"Lord Xander," she said solemnly, inclining her head slightly.

"Having them rob all the supply caches would make a pretty good distraction," Jiraiya said. "Where did you get Daisy's pattern from?"

"That one nin I was using as a club the battle before last," Xander replied. He turned to the three. "Consider yourselves loyal Leaf nin and Jiraiya your commander," Xander ordered the three and gestured towards the Toad Sage.

"Yes, Lord Xander," they chorused before turning to Jiraiya for orders.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Mikoto," Sarutobi greeted her.

"Lord Hokage," she said, inclining her head as she couldn't bow with her sleeping son attached to her.

"We are in a most unusual situation here," he noted while a pair of ANBU stood ready.

"I know," she agreed, "just consulting with the murdered members of my clan showed how negligent you were in allowing Danzo a free hand as he first arranged for the death of any clan members that chose to live outside the compound and then of those that associated freely with non-clan members before insuring there were enough 'accidents' to drive us nearly to rebellion and finally arranging for my eldest son, assisted by an unknown Uchiha, to murder us all."

The Hokage paused as he considered her words. "I'll have to have Inoichi verify your claims," he said.

"And what will you do about Danzo and those two 'advisors' of yours?" she demanded.

"Danzo I'm going to have executed regardless," Sarutobi said, much to her surprise, "my old teammates will be questioned, as they have parroted Danzo's ideas quite frequently."

"Just questioned?" she asked in disbelief.

"Between Inoichi and Ibiki, I know I'll get the answers I need," he said flatly, his eyes cold.

"Yes, Lord Hokage," she said respectfully, suddenly remembering exactly who she was speaking with.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

The Mayor sighed as yet another ritual failed to tap into even a fraction of the Hellmouth's power. He waved for a couple of vampires to take away the gutted corpses of several coffee shop employees as he used a wet wipe to clean the blood from his hands. "A century of hard work and countless sacrifices, all for naught."

"Sir?" Deputy Mayor Allen Finch asked nervously.

"Relax Allen," he said kindly, "there was nothing you could have done to either cause or prevent this. It looks like I'm going to have to relocate and my choices are either Cleveland or… France."

"You're joking," Allen said in clear disbelief.

"I really wish I were," the Mayor said, "but this Hellmouth has been drained of all its stored energy and claimed by a greater power."

"What will happen to Sunnydale, sir?" Allan asked, still in shock.

"That will be up to its new mayor," he said, amused at Allen's response. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pack."

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"How accurate are these?" Buffy asked Giles as she held up a handful of cards.

"Fairly accurate," Giles replied, "at least as far as we can tell and no Planeswalker has spoken on the matter, but the abilities demonstrated have matched up in most of the major details."

"How did it become a game?" Willow asked.

"That I can answer," Wesley spoke up. "In all dimensions that have been known to generate Planeswalkers, a similar game has been found. Common wisdom is that the higher powers have inspired its creation to give some guidance to how Planeswalkers develop and behave."

"And X is now some uber god type?" Faith asked as she looked through her own cards.

"It's not something that would have been evident," Wesley said, "otherwise the gods would kill them long before they had a chance of igniting."

"Still hard to picture him as a god like Thor or something," Faith said, opening another booster pack.

"Are you sure triggering on the Hellmouth would push him towards these spells?" Willow said as she laid out all the black cards she'd gotten in her packs. "He's not exactly fond of the undead."

"He's more Evil Dead than Interview with a Vampire," Oz offered. "Bruce Campbell," he added at the Watchers' confused expressions.

 **OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Come get some!" Xander called out from the back of a giant bear with Holy Strength and Giant Growth cast on it.

Giant snakes were everywhere as were giant toads and lots of crushed nin.

"You don't want to fight us," Danzo said, uncovering a Sharingan.

Xander blinked. "What a lovely ability, and at only a single blue mana too, thanks." A rain of senbons ricocheted off his armor, making a pleasant chiming sound.

"It didn't work?" Danzo asked in surprise, using chakra to stick to the giant serpent as the bear raked his claws down its side.

"It worked fine," Xander assured cheerfully before doing a girly little spin and calling out, "Shabon Spray Freezing!"

"Looks like it didn't work to me," Orochimaru complained as he bent around one of Jiraiya's kicks only to get tit smacked by Joan's armored breasts, sending half his teeth flying. "Tsunade?!"

"I don't want to fight you, I want to kill you," Xander explained, drawing an invisible bow and releasing an arrow of fire that incinerated Danzo's chest.

Danzo somehow got up a second later, chest intact once more, only to have a glowing white blade take off his head.

"I can barely sense you in this," Orochimaru complained as he drew a sword out of his mouth.

Joan stomped on the ground, a wave of green chakra causing the plants to grow rapidly and entangle their foes' feet.

Getting desperate, fire and wind jutsu were thrown about with abandon, decimating their own ranks as Anko used a jutsu to cast her mad cackle amongst the enemy.

"Manda!" the boss toad summons chuckled with evil glee as he appeared in a burst of chakra, crushing an entire squad of nin.

Wounded, blind, and desperate to escape, Manda unsummoned himself, dropping Danzo to the ground in an uncontrolled fall and snapping his neck.

"I was saving this for Sensei," Orochimaru complained, "but you leave me no choice."

"You're a bit of a whiner aren't you?" Xander asked as the giant bear died from the poison it had been injected with and he had to leap off, landing in the center of an entire squad of nin.

Orochimaru took a deep breath and created a massive wall of flames, giving him enough time to pull out a scroll and unseal the contents, three wooden coffins.

Joan and Jiraiya sent a pair of water dragons at the wall of flame as Orochimaru called out, "Impure World Resurrection!"

The three coffins creaked open, revealing three familiar looking faces to the Leaf nin.

"The First, Second, and Fourth," Anko said. "This is going to suck."

"Interesting," Xander said, using a nin as a flail while he observed what Orochimaru was doing closely. He paid for that distraction as a dragon of flame sent him flying and cooked his 'weapon'. Tiamo saved him from a nasty tumble, catching him in midair.

The tides of the battle began to turn as the three new fighters were not only fast and powerful, but skilled as well and regenerated even lethal wounds in seconds.

Forced together with Joan concentrating on countering the First's control over plant life, Jiraiya turned to Xander. "Got any more aces up your sleeve?"

Xander grinned evilly. "Which is the most powerful of the three?"

"The Fourth Hokage, the blond," the Toad Sage said.

"Everybody watch this, cause I can only do it once," Xander said with a grin.

"Bah, let him try," Orochimaru said smugly, secure in his victory and motioning his forces to hold back.

Xander called up a single black Mana. "Raise dead!"

The Fourth Hokage took a deep breath and his formerly stoic expression changed to one of anger.

"Alright, I may have made a tactical error," the Snake Sennin admitted as Danzo fell with a three pronged kunai lodged in his throat.

 **Typing By: Abyssal Angel**

 **TN: Well. That escalated quickly. XD**


	10. Chapter 10

"I thought the first hokage was more powerful," Anko said as the pressure on them lessened due to the flashes of yellow light, each of which heralded the death of another enemy nin.

"In this type of battle Minato is more effective," Jiraiya explained. "Besides I thought he was going to kill him, not resurrect him. Also, I have only a few hard counters for Minato and all of them take time to set up."

"I don't suppose you'd care to share one with me, for old time's sake," Orochimaru requested as he dodged away from a flash of light and the mook next to him died.

"You don't really think he's going to tell you, do you?" Xander asked amused, as a kunai bounced off his armor.

"Dimensional anchor seal," Jiraiya said. "Takes forever to set up and the scrolls are real finicky. I figure they have an eighty percent chance of working, as being a seal master Minato may have thought of a way around it."

Minato appeared in a flash of light to cut down a trio of nin standing close together, his wind laced kunai cutting them in half. "I did," he said cheerfully before vanishing.

"Never tell the enemy the answer in the middle of battle," Xander complained, "you never know when they have some hidden power that just perfectly fits the situation."

Orochimaru chuckled and blocked a fireball with a stone wall. "The answer while true, was a trap," he explained, "as many of my most effective skills rely on being able to summon in one form or another. If I had a scroll nearby it would reduce my capabilities by nearly a third. You need to teach your apprentice better, this is first year material."

"He's not my apprentice," Jiraiya replied.

"My spies said he was learning seals from you," Orochimaru countered.

"Hold still and die!" Tiamo ordered creating a hail storm of steel and explosions that Orochimaru managed to avoid while the squad of nin around him did not.

"What is your problem?" Orochimaru asked annoyed by the interruption. "You are as… enthusiastic as my wayward apprentice about killing me and she at least has some decent reasons to do so."

"I've got to kill you so I can sign the snake summons," Tiamo replied, fingers automatically attaching exploding seals to kunai as she talked.

"She's making you kill me to sign the contract?" he asked amused.

"I can't exactly get the contract while you're alive, now can I?" Anko asked sarcastically as she copied Tiamo.

"You're the apprentice, it's your job to see to passing it down, like I did to you," Orochimaru said exasperated.

"You never taught me that!" Anko complained.

"I thought it was obvious," he replied, genuinely surprised she hadn't known.

Jiraiya laughed and summoned a car sized toad on top of a group of nin that were standing too close together.

The rain of explosives separated the two forces for a moment as rock and dirt filled the air, before the battle was joined once more.

"Where is he getting all those kunai?" Xander asked as the Yellow Flash flung three pronged kunai about with abandon and teleported all over the place decimating the dwindling enemy nin.

"He has a couple of seals tattooed on his body," Jiraiya said as the first tried to entangle the fourth who vanished before the second's water dungeon could reach him.

"Delay them," Orochimaru ordered as he prepared to flee.

"Remember when I said I could only do it once?" Xander yelled.

"No…" Orochimaru said, freezing in place for a second.

"I lied," Xander said cheerfully calling up half a dozen mana at once and causing the two corpse puppets to turn to ash. "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." Xander winced and fell to one knee for a moment, looking a little ashen.

"But that wasn't the same thing at all," a nameless mook said.

"I lied twice," Xander replied with a shrug as he regained his feet.

Without the first and second hokage distracting him the fourth completely obliterated the enemy forces leaving only Danzo and Orochimaru facing them.

"Didn't I kill you?" Xander asked Danzo.

"He's using those eyes in his left arm to turn his body into an illusion," Jiraiya said, "it lets him recover from any injury as if it hadn't occurred."

Danzo opened his mouth to speak but there was a flash of yellow and his throat was cut. One of the eyes closed and the damage reversed itself.

"Has anyone tried dispelling illusions while he does that?" Xander asked.

"A little assistance please," Danzo requested.

"Do I look like I'm in any position to provide help?" Orochimaru asked sarcastically. "Besides, I'm kinda curious about the answer myself."

"Traitor!" Danzo hissed, making Orochimaru laugh.

A kunai embedded itself in Danzo's throat before he could dodge, causing blood to pour down his chest. One of the four remaining open eyes closed and the blood reversed direction.

Several waves of chakra struck Danzo before it could completely reverse the damage and his form wavered and vanished, dropping a single bloody kunai to the ground.

Orochimaru smirked when everyone turned their attention to him. "I used the chakra pulse to cover switching myself with an enhanced clone I had prepared in advance. I can't be told from the real thing and I'm miles from here at this point and getting further by the second!" He laughed gaily. "I win yet again."

"Are we just going to buy that?" Xander asked as everyone complained or groaned.

"When you get to be our level you don't lie about things like that," Jiraiya said.

"Fine," Xander said with a heavy sigh, "if it's actually a clone it won't mind shaking my hand." Xander walked over to 'it'.

"Sure," 'it' said, "but for what purpose?"

"Because you should be real enough for me to create copies of to help with research," Xander replied, shaking the 'clones' hand. "Thanks."

"And shaking my hand allows this?" the 'clone' asked curiously.

"What do you know about crystal growth?" Xander asked.

"Tons," the 'clone' replied.

"Excellent," Xander said, "then my explanation will make perfect sense to you. Let me create a table and chairs and writing instruments so we can pick each other's brains."

 **Two hours later**

"I feel like I should have known this all along," the 'clone' complained as they discussed the nature of chakra and the land that produced it. "By drawing from swamps as a primary source of sage chakra I tend towards domination and destruction while if I want to create anything lasting, I am going to have to find a way to filter that connection."

"Then shouldn't he be using green mana?" Minato asked gesturing towards Jiraiya with a grin.

"Red mana is the mana of explorers and designers, it inflames passions in general rather than just reproduction the way green does, but since his passion is… well, passion, you really can't tell the difference," Xander explained.

"I have to hunt down my original self and convince him to change his ways," the 'clone' said. "It's been an experience and I hope I've helped you as much as you've helped me."

"Pretty sure I can raise undead minions now and your knowledge of artificing and healing wasn't bad either," Xander said. "Hope you find him."

"Thanks."

Anko and Tiamo continued to work on her summoning, introducing her to the various snakes while the other three nin went over the notes from their discussion before putting them away.

"If we're through here I really should get home and check on Naruto," Minato said.

"You may want to wait until I send a message," Jiraiya said, "I can't imagine people coming back from the dead is an everyday event for sensei so he's probably going to have to invent some new forms at the very least."

"You mean I will," Minato said with a sigh.

"Planning on taking up the mantle again?"

"Once a hokage always a hokage," Minato said. "Any messages you want me to take back with me?"

"Danzo's dead, root's been cut, and sound's silenced," Jiraiya replied. "We'll be back in two to three weeks, call if you need us."

"Will do," Minato said, before flashing around the field of corpses and collecting all his kunai, which he used a quick water jutsu to clean before he resealed them and vanished one last time.

"Looting all these corpses and disposing of them is going to take forever," Jiraiya said, as he looked over the battlefield with a grin.

"Joan could grow some trees and I could use them to summon some Dryads," Xander suggested. "I'd try and raise some zombies, but I only have one black mana left and I've ear marked that in case Anko needs to use her seal."

"Dryads?" Jiraiya asked eyes lighting up.

"I wouldn't mind seeing some of those myself," Joan admitted.

"Better than zombies," Anko offered.

"Probably smell better too," Tiamo added.

"Dryads it is then," Joan said calling up her sage chakra and just lightly touching the mana of her land causing a small copse of trees to grow in the center of the battlefield.

Jiraiya called up a water dragon, sucking the moisture from the air and let it disperse among the roots, speeding their growth.

Xander called up a single green mana and channeled it into the ground causing the plantlife to swell and spread. "Wild Growth."

"And now we're in a forest," Anko noted with a grin as a corpse fell out of a tree that had sprouted under it.

"May have overdone it a bit," Xander admitted, walking up to one of the larger trees and infusing it with green mana before moving onto the next.

Jiraiya and Joan leaned forward eagerly as the bark seemed to ripple and a naked figure stepped forth.

"Not exactly how I pictured a dryad," the toad sage said, disappointed.

"Looks good to me," Joan disagreed as she examined the muscular man made of wood with hair the color of the tree leaves.

"Not all trees are female," Xander replied as a female dryad stepped out of a tree and he moved on to a third.

"That's a very good point," Jiraiya said turning to Joan. "It's always female spirits in the stories but a male one every now and again could really spice things up."

"I'll say," Joan agreed. "Nice work on that one."

Xander had not known Dryads could blush, but apparently they could as the male dryad walked through a bush and came out with a leafy green kilt.

He stopped after the fifth one, a second male, stepped out of a tree. "Loot the bodies, feed the remains to the forest, and pile everything on the table," Xander ordered before going back to the stone table.

"Myths and legends," Jiraiya said, "it's a good time to be alive."

"It's always a good time for that," Joan agreed, "now help me plot out a storyline. A man spurned for a dryad who unintentionally ends up courting the dryad's daughter."

"The daughter who had watched him futilely try and cut down her father's tree one winter, but unable to do more than cause some surface damage due to its massive size," Jiraiya said getting into it. "Are we going to use animated vines for some bondage scenes?"

"Be a waste of a dryad not to," she replied with a snort.

"Once we've collected everything what are you going to do with the dryads?" Anko asked.

"Nothing," Xander replied, "dryads just need sun and rain to be happy. I should probably add some squirrels to help the forest spread quicker, but really that's all I need to do."

"Sounds good," Anko said, dismissing the matter from her mind. "There are some swamps in the area you'll want to collect and after that it's off to Wave. That should take care of your blue mana."

Xander created a dozen squirrels and set them scampering off. "Good, life is a lot easier with a good variety of mana handy and I am starved for blue and black."

"Blue is the mental one, right?" Anko asked as a couple of dryads dropped a load of bloody and damaged clothes and equipment on the table.

"Logic and technology, improvement through intelligent actions," Xander replied. "If Orochimaru had been mainlining blue mana he'd have been more dangerous but less of a dick. I'm not making a copy of him until I have some blue handy."

"So, you can make a copy of someone just from scanning their clone," Joan said thoughtfully.

"Nope," Xander replied.

The nins all stopped what they were doing and turned to Xander.

"That couldn't have been the real Orochimaru," Anko said, "he was much too reasonable and… sane."

"He'd exhausted his sage chakra," Xander replied, "so it wasn't affecting his thoughts. You guys filter your chakra to a degree, which is why it take you time to call it up, he somehow managed to tap it like a planeswalker, but without our immunity."

"You told me it was him and I dismissed it," Jiraiya said shaking his head. "If you'd said it was the real thing, I'd have just said it was a really good clone."

"Getting off the black mana should remove him making problems for the Leaf," Joan said, "no more urge to destroy and dominate everything."

"I hope so," Jiraiya said, "he's been a giant pain in my ass for far too long."

Joan smirked. "You should have used lube."

Jiraiya chuckled. "Remind me to tell you about the time we had to infiltrate a whore house and he forgot to tell me he was replacing one of the gals."

"I'd still like to kill him," Anko said with a sigh. "The fact that he didn't finish my summons training properly makes me wonder what else he forgot."

The dryads dropped more gear on the table and Anko and Tiamo started sorting through it.

"With Minato back as Hokage, Sarutobi will have some free time," Jiraiya said, "he can go over your training and see what Rochi missed."

"Really?" Anko asked hopefully.

"Definitely," Jiraiya assured her, "he's wanted to get involved with training Xander but has been too busy running Konoha. This will give him a good excuse."

"Excellent," Anko said with a grin.

"We should hunt down Tsunade while we're out and about," Jiraiya said thoughtfully, "just so you can collect both my teammates. Besides she's the best med nin in the world and we could really use a couple more of those."

"Sounds like a plan," Xander said, thinking adding a few healers to the group was a great idea.

 **OoOoOoOoOo**

Minato casually flashed around the tower, knocking out a full dozen ANBU. "Not exactly the welcome I'd been expecting."

"How?" Sarutobi asked, surprised but already suspecting what the answer would be.

"Orochimaru summoned me back from the dead into some form of strange half-life, and then Jiraiya' s apprentice Xander resurrected me," Minato explained.

"Close to what I was expecting," Sarutobi admitted. "I assume you'd like to see Naruto."

"Where is he?"

"Come on, I'll take you to him," Sarutobi said getting his hat.

The recovering ANBU looked to Sarutobi for orders and he signed for them to stand down.

"What can you tell me?" Minato asked anxiously, ignoring the civilians who fainted on seeing him.

"Loves orange, ramen, a bit of a prankster, and swears he's going to be hokage someday," Sarutobi said as the chaos of seeing the fourth hokage alive and well spread around them.

"How was he treated?" Minato asked.

"About how you'd expect, unfortunately," Sarutobi admitted with a heavy sigh, "but he didn't let it get him down."

Various nin spied on the two from a distance, a few using methods to dispel illusions to make sure what they were seeing was real.

"That's good to hear," Minato said. He'd hoped for better but had been braced for much worse. "Why are we at Kakashi's?"

"Due to your son actually killing the fox and stealing its power, I felt he needed someone more responsible to watch him," the third said pulsing his chakra to let Kakashi know he was there.

"He did what?" Minato asked, sure he hadn't heard what he'd though he'd heard.

"The being who resurrected you was creating a powerful artifact for the village when Naruto somehow snuck in and bonded it to himself. It drained the fox to power itself," Sarutobi explained as the door opened.

Kakashi stared in shock for a moment before turning to the third hokage. "I don't know how Naruto did it, I swear he's been here the entire time."

"Xander with a little assistance of Orochimaru, resurrected Minato," Sarutobi explained.

"Ah," Kakashi said, "well come in, I'm just about to break out the sake."

"I'd say it's a little early for drinking, but we're probably going to need some," Sarutobi admitted as they entered.

"You resurrected my mom to spite me?" Sasuke asked Naruto, neither of them noticing the people entering the room.

"No, I did it because I didn't like seeing you sad when you got half the village kissing your but while they insult and ignore me," Naruto argued.

"Yah, spite," Sasuke said cheerfully.

Naruto groaned.

Mikoto laughed.

"My son resurrected his godmother?" Minato asked surprised.

"Son?!" Naruto exclaimed, turning and seeing Minato. He immediately focused on his face seeing the man he'd just recently met in his dreams. "Dad?" He leapt at him.

"Your father is the fourth hokage?" Sasuke asked in disbelief.

"Yes, he is," Sarutobi said brightly, whipping off his hat and putting it on the fourth's head.

Minato had easily caught his son in a hug. "It's good to see you," he said. "I know I have a lot to explain-"

"Nah, you already told me last night with Mom when I was asleep. Don't you remember?" Naruto asked.

It took less than a second for Minato to figure out what must have happened. With the fox gone their shadow clones had no reason to wait to speak with him. "That was my shadow clone," Minato explained, "Me and your Mother left them there, so we'd be there if you ever really needed us."

"All you have to do is resurrect my Dad and your Mom and we'll have the whole set," Sasuke said. His face hurt, but he couldn't stop grinning.

"Unfortunately, Uzumaki funeral rites include cremation," Minato explained. "Your mother's ashes were to be scattered in her home village."

"And Itachi… cremated your father," Mikoto said gently, laying a hand on Sasuke's shoulder.

Sasuke shrugged. "I've got mom back, I'm not greedy. A lot of people don't even have one parent." He found he was actually a little relieved his father couldn't be resurrected and decided not to think about why.

"Remember when Kushina made me swear to marry you if our spouses died, because she didn't think you could take care of yourself and run the village?" Mikoto asked with a laugh.

"Remember? She made me sign in blood, claimed it was an Uzumaki family seal…" Minato paled.

"I thought she was joking," Mikoto said wide eyed.

"Uzumaki's are at their most dangerous when they're joking," Kakashi said helpfully.

"No, I'm sure she wasn't serious-" Minato stopped in mid-sentence as a shadow clone popped and a wisp of chakra leaked out of Naruto. "She said to tell you that not only was she serious she expects at least two children in the next three years or the contract will begin to enforce itself."

"The shadow clone of Kushina just popped your shadow clone in the seal, didn't she?" Sarutobi asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes," Minato admitted.

Sasuke smiled. He'd not only gotten his mom back he'd just gotten the fourth hokage as a father!

"Will you quit smiling, it's creeping me out!" Naruto complained.

 **Typing by: fyrewolf5**

 **AN: Always read the fine print when signing something handed to you by an Uzumaki!**

 **TN: Now how long will it take Naruto and Sasuke to realize that means they're going to be brothers, and what will their reaction be? Also, how is the village and any classmates who snubbed Naruto going to start acting when they find out who his father is, and that said father is back from the dead. I think the village is going to have plenty of building material shortly because bricks will be shat all over the village in the coming days.**


End file.
